11 Real Products That Should Be April Fool's Jokes

As far as I can tell, which isn't much since I'm still too grossed out to think straight, author Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer isn't trying to pull our legs with Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. He says, "Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties." Then he compares it to fine wine and cheeses.

Great. No more wine or cheese for me.

With his Skin-On Interfaces project, researcher and designer Marc Teyssier is trying to improve humans' experience interacting with our devices. He points out that we use skin as an "interface" when we interact with other people - I guess meaning we use our sense of touch, and things like hand shakes, hugs, kisses, and the bump 'n' grind. (Or at least we used to, before the era of social distancing hit.)

However, when we engage similarly with "objects of mediated communication," such as smartphones and computers, we must deal with their "cold interface that doesn't allow natural interaction and input."

So, nope. Skin-On Interfaces is not a joke like the Harambed, or even a novelty like the Pop It Pal, it's a legit attempt at solving a legit problem Teyssier sees as a side effect of the advent of technology and the time we spend with our devices.

At this point, Skin-On Interfaces might also be the closest we get to some skin-to-skin contact for the foreseeable future.

Link flip-shoes, a hybrid their makers call "free like a flip-flop, safe as a shoe," are here to prove you wrong about at least one thing: no matter what you thought about Crocs or Keen Uneek monstrosities, Redneck Boot Sandals or any other shoe on earth, up to this point, you had not yet seen the ugliest.

What...the...foot...are these things?!

Father's Day is June 21st. I don't know about you, but I sure can't think of a better gift for a new dad than an apparatus that will allow him to suck the snot out of his kid's nose with his own mouth.

And who says you have to limit usage of Nosefrida the Snotsucker to children? I wouldn't mind having someone else clear my nasal passageways as I stand idly by. Hey Cornelius! Can you come here for a minute?

Nosefrida the Snotsucker nasal aspirator - if only I could make this mucus up! I'd be the next Zach Galifianakis! - was developed by Swedish doctors for assuaging the stuffy noses of children who are too young (or too spastic) to use a Kleenex. One end of the tube rests against the offending nostril, while the other snuggles inside Mommy's or Daddy's mouth in preparation for the ultimate suckfest.

Ladies, start your m-O!-tors! VibeRider says its controller box and stimulator and were designed to fit on any motorcycle and inside any motorcycle seat. Once in place, riders have the option of letting their driving do the pulsing - the more you rev, the more intense the vibration - or using a built-in push button that bypasses the synchronization. The magic button sends the VibeRider straight to max power mode, and keeps it there as long you hold it down.

Ooh, uhhh, the Banana Surprise here is that those bananas look like they need someone to call 911. Brown and bright red are not the colors of discharge I want to see oozing out of objects with that shape. And those kids look a little too proud of themselves for making their bananas bleed.

The Banana Surprise kit comes with a set of pokers and injection tools that will allow you to fill your bananas with the likes of chocolate, jam, fruit purees, and cream.

And also mustard, hot sauce, and cream of mushroom soup with the mushrooms picked out so it looks suspiciously like a bodily fluid, for April Fool's fun with your friend Cornelius and your wife, She-Ra: Princess of Power.

I guess I should clarify that when I say these are real products that should be April Fool's jokes, I'm being subjective. Perhaps I should revise my statement to real products that, in my opinion should be April Fool's jokes.

Because, rest assured, if seeing these Edible Anus Chocolates makes your mouth water, and the fact that they're real gets your other juices flowing, there's no judgment here. You go ahead and order you up a box of brown stars, and savor every last bite.

Just be aware that while the Edible Anuses are made with pure milk chocolate and are suitable for vegetarians, they may contain traces of nuts.