The Spirits Want You To Have Sex Game

Posted: January 10, 2020

In: Entertainment ➠ Games

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The Spirits Want You to Have Sex Game is probably an old game all you boomers will be like, "That's been around for years!" when you see it, but so what? I haven't seen it. My wife hasn't seen it. Do you aim to deny younger generations exposure to sexy time ouija boards, just like you deny them access to affordable educations and housing?

OK, boomer.

Anyone who's fooled around with a ouija board in their time knows how to play The Spirits Want You to Have Sex Game, the major difference here being that the answers the board gives you are practical, and can be applied immediately to fooling around with something other than a ouija board. According to the Sex Game makers, "You and your lover place your hands upon the pancetta, with it centered on the game board. You then ask the spirits to help you figure out what sex positions to try tonight."

Yeah. Because the spirits have nothing better to do than advise the living on different ways to bone.

Actually, they probably don't. And come to think of it, if I were a spirit, I'd die (<---yuk, yuk, yuk) to get assigned to a The Spirits Want You to Have Sex Game. That would be way more fun than knocking stuff over, making people cold, or possessing some weird kid and risk getting exorcised.

Of course, like all ouija boards, answers and insight given while playing The Spirits Want You to Have Sex Game is most likely going to come from the nudging of one or both of the hands resting on the pancetta. If it's the dude, get ready for a kneeling BJ or that doggy style thing with the chair. And if it's the lady...oh look. The Spirits Want You to Have Sex Game board has a "Not Right Now" option right up at the top.

Who needs a (potentially disappointing) Valentine's Day gift?

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