Budget Priced Essentials for New Homeowners

You're messy. Your wife is messy. Your dog is messy. Your friends...don't get me started. Blow all of that shit away while roaming free as a bald-headed eagle with this sucker. Blower. Whatever. This is actually great for just blowing shit out of your garage or yard and into your neighbor's yard for them to deal with. I initially got this because my father-in-law said I should have one and I didn't want him to come over and judge my ass, but I actually use this all of the time now. It has a variable speed motor that delivers max speeds of 150 MPH which is strong enough to blow your wife's skirt over her head without giving her a wedgie. A must have.

The ultimate chore buddy, this wheelbarrow-cart-dolly hybrid is an all-purpose lifter, carrier, and mover that helps lighten heavy loads and transport yard waste, household goods, and junk from where they don't belong to where they do. The Aerocart's heavy-duty steel construction can carry up to 300 pounds, but paired with its oversized, balanced wheels the resultant load should feel more like 25 pounds.

The pair of wheels, unlike traditional wheelbarrows' single roller, also provide failsafe stability and prevent tipping when the Aerocart is used horizontally. WORX tires are of the never-flat persuasion, and are suitable for both indoor and outdoor application.

As a new homeowner, you're gonna need a set of tools for things you can't even think of right now. You won't need the best or most expensive tools though. And you won't need a 1,000-piece tool set that gives you a bunch of ridiculous tools for every repair imaginable. You need the basics. A screwdriver, a hammer, a tape measure. Some needle nose pliers for removing your kid's teeth (kids' if you're trying to be a resource hog).

This tool bundle helps you save the cash and excess of those gargantuan sets so you can use the extra 80 bucks for something worthwhile, like the cable sports expansion package.

Look, I'd love to be able to just cut everything with my fork (or knork), but at some point you have to give in to adulthood and get a decent set of knives.

The good news is, you can get a quality set of knives for pretty cheap these days. Don't be tempted to go ultra-budget here. Cuisinart is a name brand and you can still get a complete set (with scissors, which you will use more than all of the knives combined) and a sharpener. Don't put them in the dishwasher and sharpen often, and they'll last long enough to afford a $1,000 set when you're old enough not to care about money.

Sure you could go with the big, red I'm-tempted-to-break-the-glass-and-spray-this-mother-everywhere-each-time-I-pass-one standard fire extinguisher, but let's set some realistic expectations here. There are two kinds of fires. The first goes: Oh shit, I caught my carpet on fire because I wanted to see what would happen if I put a lighter flame to my deodorant, and then I dropped the deodorant it when it went up in flames. Then I tried to stomp it out and kept lighting the carpet more on fire. That's a fire you can handle, and these little dogs are perfect for that.

The second kind of fire is the one that comes out of nowhere, or at least starts and spreads before you notice it. The kind that gives you only enough time to grab your most beloved Hustler magazine and get your ass out of the house to watch the bonfire with Alexis Texas and wait for the firefighters to arrive.

So save a few bucks, get some fire suppressant canisters, and stay within your capabilities.

No matter your medic skills or ability to look at blood without losing your lunch, some version of first aid kit is a must for any household, under any circumstances. Ready America combines their 33-piece first aid kit with additional supplies you may need if the emergency extends beyond a finger that got chopped with the onions.

Enough food and water to sustain 2 people for 3 days, plus emergency blankets and 2 safety light sticks are all packed with the first aid kit inside a read Ready America backpack you can just as easily grab and run with as unzip to access the supplies you need.