Dude's Must See Products of 2022

Wonderful, fantastical, cutting edge, high-tech products, I hardly knew ye. These 12 cool products that were discontinued or never made will probably make you feel a bit nostalgic, or maybe even bummed to have missed out.

Well, either that or hoppin' mad that you backed them during their crowdfunding campaigns, their swashbuckling creators kept your money, and you never got your frikkin' projection watch / 10-second toothbrush / set of human gills! Where is my human-to-fish converter, bitches?! [Deep breath.]

So grab a beer, a bag of popcorn, and maybe a Xanax and a fat bowl to calm yourself down, and enjoy my roundup of 12 cool products that were discontinued or never made.

Who's up for a little downward dog...gy style? These Crotchless Yoga Pants from Cherry ChiChi proudly describe themselves as "yoga pants for sex." Just in case there was any confusion, or a moment's thought that they could be anything else. So congrats, all you upward horndogs and kids eager to try plow-her pose, your prayers have been answered. I guess.

Just seems to me if you wanted to incorporate yoga and sex, you wouldn't bother with Crotchless Yoga Pants, or any clothes at all. Naked sexy yoga sounds way more erotic than than cotton-spandex blend with one tiny access hole at the crotchal region sexy yoga to me.

But to each their own fetish, I guess.

Ha! It's A DIY clown car! Except the P.50 isn't clowning around. Builders of car kit, available in electric and gas models, will find themselves the proud owners of fully functional examples of the World's Smallest Car. Not to mention a detailed replica of one of the world's rarest.

Vessel's Helix one-hitter has some serious drip. And since I'm pretty sure no one in the generation that made up the slang term "drip" will be reading this, but probably some Gen Z parents will, that means the dry herb pipe has a cool, sexy style. Now, grab some weed and a Helix, go take a puff in front of your kids, and tell them, no cap, your bud is the GOAT and your pipe is drippin', periodt.

The Tic Tac Gun takes aim at anyone who's eaten the garlic & cheese bread, or drank a whole pot of coffee this morning, and pelts 'em with fresh breath.

Possibly breaking a tooth in the process.

Hey, you can't have fun and fight halitosis risk-free, kids!

How have I never heard of a Screaming Aztec Death Whistle? In all my efforts to exact revenge on my ex-girlfriend, Karen, in all my attempts to prank my friend Cornelius, in all my ploys to convince my mother-in-law our condo complex is haunted and they should really stay in a hotel or Airbnb instead, how have I never heard of a Screaming Aztec Death Whistle?!

Welp, as they say, better late than never.

I will take one obsidian black ceramic, authentically designed, 125+-decibel, terrifying-scream-emitting Aztec Death Whistle, please. I've got a lot of work to catch up on.

I sure hope I never need to use a ShelterCube Extreme, but after what I "anonymously" mailed my tight-ass boss, I feel like maybe a storm's a-comin'.

Created by Survive-a-Storm (what branding!) the ShelterCube Extreme is a 6' x 4' above-ground shelter designed specifically with tornadoes in mind, but useful in a variety of other emergency situations as well. Its quarter-inch welded steel construction probably isn't bomb-proof, but it will stand strong in storms up to an EF-5 tornado (winds of 200+ mph) plus has a NIJ-IIA ballistics rating, making the ShelterCube Extreme entry-level bulletproof.

A Tandem Shower? That's waaay better than a tandem bike. Or, like, a tandem trip to the art museum. Good on you, Boona, for coming up with a way for my wife and I to spend more quality time together that serves us both well.

A shower converter kit with a DIY installation design, the Tandem Shower by Boona looks to make life with your partner even more sexy and squeaky clean, without the awkwardness of moving around tight spaces, and the perpetual problem of always leaving one of you out in the cold.

Sneaker in the front, party in the back! The Mullet Shoe is a high-top with a striking, and silky smooth, set of light brown locks cascading down the back of its upper. It's a mullet...for a shoe...ready to swish all sultry when you walk, and blow romantically in the breeze. And also get muddy, matted, and rank when you drag it through the dirt, and possibly make you trip and fall on your face if you don't mind its flowing length, which appears to be about 3" longer than the shoe itself.

Welp, we've got dog food for humans, so why not dog beds for humans? Thank you Soylent, and now, Plufl. Plufl is basically a big ol' human-sized dog bed, designed by "avid nappers" Noah and Yuki to create the ultimate portable snoozing and relaxing space.

Cover up your bad hair, and score yourself some evil glares with Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats. Mama may have told you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, but Uncle Bekah believes if you don't have anything nice to say, "Put it on a hat."

Inappropriate Trucker hats run the gamut of inappropriateness in both potency and topic. We start with "This Band Sucks" and "I Hate Working Here," and end up at "Stop Staring at My FUPA," "I Bleached My Asshole for This," and "I'm Here to Fuck Your Dad." Ouch. (Unless, of course, you're Dad!)

All you need to stay afloat this summer is a pair of Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear! A swimsuit and life raft in one!

On second thought, the Inflatable Beach Ball Underwear might be better described as a swimsuit and death raft in one. I'm thinking, yes, the wearable pool toy will serve as a flotation device, but given its placement around your crotchal region, a flotation device for your lower half only. Meaning you'll be floating inverted. Upside down. Legs up. Ass over tea kettle. Gonna be pretty hard not to drown that way. But, hey, whatever floats your boat butt.

Death By Toys' Dan Polydoris calls himself a "one-man action figure boutique," and from conception to creation, he does it all to bring these awful and awfully funny limited edition packaged sets to life.

Above you see Polydoris' Fun with Electricity Playset, featuring a power outlet and a fork. Don't worry, stuck-up Aunt Jan, and all the stuck-up Aunt Jans of the world, the outlet doesn't work. And the fork is plastic, so you could actually stick it in one of the outlets in your house that does.

Just kidding. Don't do that.

Oh, man, has the Dude got some approved gifts for you. Not just a dozen, and not just two dozen of them...oh, wait. How many is two dozen? 24? Right, then. The Dude has exactly two dozen approved gift ideas for men this holiday season.

I would also be willing to approve them for any other season you're gift hunting for a guy who has yet to own a dude-approved gift for men.

Note: All 24 gifts for men in 2022 are priced as they were at printing on November 28, 2022. Pricing, and availability, are subject to change.

Five-finger shoes meet...um...a stone man's toenails and some truck tire treads?...in The Cryptide, a 3D printed sneaker created by German designer and architect Stephan Henrich, in collaboration with Swiss 3D printer manufacturer Sintratec.

As bizarre as The Cryptide is in appearance, the sneaker is deliberately so. Sintratec explains the "creature-like footwear" was inspired by cryptids (not the crypto tide), or the group of mythical beasts some people believe in, but whose existence has never been proven. Bigfoot. Chupacabra. The Loch Ness Monster.