Presenting the Alphabet: 21 Gifts that Start with B

Dang, when did the BaKblade 2.0 come out? I asked for the original version of this DIY, over-the-shoulder back shaver for my birthday (thank you, Mama!) but if I'd known BaKblade was releasing a newer and sexier version of their Terminator for lady-repellent man hair I would have waited.

The updated BaKblade has a curved, more ergonomic handle, and flexible razor design. Razors themselves are made specifically for shaving back hair, so a little less aggressive since those follicles tend to be a lot less coarse than the ones on your face.

Can't wait to see what kind of primitive injuries I sustain trying to prep dinner with Berkel's Primitive Kitchen Knife. That's not to say I don't like it. The design is very cool, a fused blade and handle reminiscent of a rock prehistoric humans would have whittled to a sharp edge. Berkel's knife also looks like it would feel good nestled in the palm of my hand.

But all that fusing and nestling makes for a blade that stays pretty damn close to my fingers during its proposed slicing of fruits and vegetables, and filleting of raw meat and fish.

The Bissell Barkbath sees you. Sittin' there. Working from home. Your dog's so damn happy he could do a backflip. Hey, maybe with all this spare time on your hands, you should teach your dog how to do a backflip. Right after you give him a bath, because holy dunk in the pond and roll in squirrel shit does he stink!

The Bissell Barkbath is a portable dog wash the company says "can be used to wash your dog in any room of the house, anytime, with minimal mess." Right. Grooming the dirt and stink out of your dog in the living room, right on top of your refinished hardwoods. Or why stop there? Let's take this dog washin' to the couch!

From air travel to beach time, Blackout Bands are designed to take the world away. Use them to grab a nap, nurse a headache, or make talking to an ugly person much more pleasant. The glasses come in 2 flat-to-the-face styles, Night Hawk and Ninja, both of which let in only enough light for the wearer to see shapes when the eyes are open. They are made of polycarbonate frames and also offer UV protection.

What's BlazePod? Think whack-a-mole, Simon, and the personal trainer you love to hate. The flash reflex training system combines elements of all 3 - even some of the fun parts - into personal and professional kits designed to help improve your reaction time, coordination, agility, speed, strength, any number of skills you have or want to build.

Blink and you might miss it, but your Blink Floodlight and Outdoor system, a wire-free security camera and pair of 700-lumen motion-triggered LED lights, will see, and record, it all for you.

One of the newest additions to the Blink Family, the Floodlight and Outdoor tag team automatically detect, illuminate, and record visitors - wanted and unwanted - to your property. Like many security camera setups, the Blink Outdoor will ping you when it senses motion, and in addition to saving video clips of the activity to the included Blink Sync Module 2 (or the cloud if you opt for a Blink Subscription Plan), give you the option of seeing and interacting with visitors in real-time with a 1080p HD live feed and two-way audio in the Blink app.

These Bong Butt Plugs are smokin' hot! Though I'm not sure if it's from the Blue Dream or the 3 bowls of Four-Chile Chili I ate during NFL Sunday coming out of them.

Glow F Yourself invites us all along for "adventure time" with a diverse series of Bong Butt Plugs. And they're not just diverse in their existence alone as a combo sex toy and smoking accessory - you know, a lil' something for the dudes and ladies with diverse tastes. These particular Bong Butt Plugs are also diverse amongst themselves. They come in multiple sizes, from Small to MAGNUM and, more notably, an array of bong "toppers."

Boo Bubbles is a great name for Steve Spangler's Bubble Blower Kit, even though it doesn't specifically mention the best part about the bubbles - the dry ice they contain inside. The reasons are twofold: 1) Said dry ice gives them a supernatural, ghostly appearance, which goes hand-in-hand with the exclamation, "Boo!"; 2) I keep writing "Boob Bubbles" instead of "Boo Bubbles," which makes me giggle.

Schweddy balls begone! Boxerkilts are boxer briefs whose front skirt flap takes the place of the traditional C&B pouch, allowing for, if Boxerkilt is to be believed, 100% airflow to and through your stifled junk. The company says wearing them is basically like going commando, but without the hygiene issues or risk of a testicular zip-up. (Note: dudes who freeball and do experience the latter, check out the Testicuzzi.)

You don't need to know how to read to dig in to this book. Open the pages of Bookniture, and where you might normally find a Tolkien story you'll instead encounter an entire stool or side table Gandalf-ed into existence. And yes, you can absolutely sit or set things on it. As long as you / they weigh less than 1,000 pounds.

Better grab a case of this Blinker Fluid while you can - it's on sale for 50% off, but as they say, blink(er) and you'll miss it.

Then again, even with eyes wide open the Blinker Fluid might fly right over your head because...it's a joke, my friends! No such thing as Blinker Fluid since there's not such thing as a blinker that needs fluid. Just a new bulb on occasion. And weekly affirmations that it still looks dazzling.

Bubba Ropes are kinetic energy recovery ropes (KERR) originally developed for the military to use in pulling their off-road vehicles out of mud, sand, and snow. Turns out they work just as well when me and my friend Cornelius get his Toyota Camry stuck in a shallow ditch practicing on-road donuts and have to call my mama to come down with her station wagon to pull us out.

Made of 100% double-braided nylon, the Bubba Rope uses exact mil specs for its splicing and coatings. The company says it produces the only snatch ropes with heavy vinyl polymer coatings and Gator-ized eyes, both of which contribute to the pictured 7/8" thick model's 28,600-pound breaking strength.

Brew Glitter. Dude. I have enough trouble getting glitter out of my house, my clothes, my - shiver - car if ever it encounters them, and now? Now? You're asking me to put myself in a position where I have to get glitter out of my body? My insides? All in the name of drinking sparkly cocktails, and sparkly Champagne, and sparkly - shiver - beer?

I think I'll leave Brew Glitter as a gift for the ladies out there.

I don't know what medieval witch magic Baby Foot puts in their Exfoliant Foot Peel to produce the skin-molting effects you see before you but, even though it would make perfect sense here, I promise you it's not snake oil. Have a look at the ingredient list yourself. My girlfriend says two near the top, lactic acid and glycolic acid, usually show up in her face peels, but...damn. If her face peeled off like that I'd tell her to go back to Jaqen.

Whatever Baby Foot brews in their solution that, 5 to 7 days after you apply it, makes all the dead skin on your feet peel off in sheets, it seems to be no joke, and no exaggeration. There are literally thousands of reviews of this foot beautifier, from all kinds of men and women, and dozens of customer photos showing sickly fascinating individual results.

If the grip is as beastly as the look of this smartphone camera rig, I think we've got a chicken dinner on the table tonight. The Beastgrip Pro is a universal lens adapter and rig system for your phone intended to give you all the slots, nooks, latches, and screw-ins you'll need to turn its camera into a professional-level shooting and recording device.