The 12 Best Products for Socially Distanced Summer Fun

Project 120 inches worth of movies indoors or out, no enclosed, crowded movie theater required. I recommend anything with Ben Stiller.

Just kidding. I recommend nothing with Ben Stiller.

This movie screen is made of wrinkle-free, non-deformable polyester fabric, which means you can fold it down and bunch it up without having to iron the screen prior to use, or settle for creases across your favorite actors' faces. Though maybe you'll want to see creases across your favorite actors' faces since it will make them look more like the rest of us.

A little something - albeit with a much bigger price tag - to go with your projection screen. The CINEMOOD Portable Movie Theater boasts both about the big things it projects outside and the big things it contains inside. The 3" cube serves as an indoor / outdoor projector with a 5-hour battery life, as well as a content device. CINEMOOD has built-in access to streaming platforms such as Netflix, Amazon Prime, AmebaTV, and YouTube, plus comes pre-loaded with a wad of Disney content for kids.

CINEMOOD's portability and ability to turn any surface into a screen makes it easy enough to take for movie nights at the campground, Prime videos in the backyard, and cartoons on the ceiling Sunday mornings. The cube also comes in a 360 model, offering 360-degree, VR-style immersion during viewing, as well as playing games, without a VR headset.

It's like 6 feet of distance and a face mask all rolled into one wearable orb of PVC!

For the record, I have no idea if it's considered safe social distancing to climb inside a battle ball for a topsy-turvy game of bubble soccer. But I'm sure it's a bad idea for all the players to take the balls off because they're about to get heat stroke from being fully ensconced inside an ultra-thick piece of inflatable plastic, and then breathe heavily all over and slime each other with their sweat before deciding to just sit shoulder-to-shoulder drinking beers and talking as loud as they can instead. Which is 100% the way I've played bubble soccer in the past.

So maybe rather than 20 of your old frat brothers in the city park, just a coupla battle balls and you and your friend Cornelius in his backyard is a better choice for this method of summer fun this year.

Self-described as "the world's first virtual intimacy system," Virtual Mate is a hyper-realistic VR sex game for your PC, laptop, mobile device, or VR Headset primed to beguile and get off everyone from gamers to, well, dudes with a pulse.

See the lovely lady in the image above? That's Sheila. Virtual Mate V.1., who doesn't look so virtual to the eyes of this dude. You dudes can also see and hear her in action (NSFW action, mind you) on the Virtual Mate website.

I like how the plug for this handheld version of Oregon Trail (best Apple IIGS computer game ever!) is "Learn about the realities of 19th-century pioneer life on the Oregon Trail." Because when I used to play it, learn I did. Learn indeed. Here's what I learned:

1) The plural of "ox" is "oxen." 2) If you don't like your little brother, don't worry, he'll probably die of typhoid. Or starve.

3) Or at least get a nasty case of dysentery, which is..."What's dysentery, Miss Dunkelberg? What, look it up in the dictionary? Hmmm, let's see here. Dysentery is...hehehehe! Cornelius! Dysentery is Diarrhea, pthhpthh, diarrhea, pthhpthh!"

4) Buffalo move fast! They are hard to shoot down with your mouse even when everyone in your starving, dysentery-afflicted family is depending on you to get one.

FiberFlies' PixelWhip is more than just your color-changing fiber optic whip for the bedroom club. Think about all the fun you could have with it on the bed 4th of July. Especially if your girlfriend town isn't down with traditional S&M toys fireworks.

The PixelWhip's 80+ fibers extend a socially perfect 6' from its hilt. A single button controls both on / off operation, as well as switching between a full spectrum of LED colors and light modes.