Monkey Lights
/Monkey-Lights-1442.jpg "Monkey Lights")
Don't just make sure they see you coming, make sure they have a seizure when they see you coming! Monkey Lights elicit ocular anarchy in 32 LED colors with programmable patterns, and maintain their function in all weather conditions. They make BMX tricks look even cooler when you land them, and detract from the blood and jutting tibia when you eat pavement. Bike commuters and recreational cyclists can also install them to ensure full nighttime visibility in traffic and on unlit side streets. Keep in mind, though, that full nighttime visibility is a double-edged sword, as while the Monkeys help preclude a collision with a drunk driver, they also render anyone cycle-weaving home from the bar to avoid a DUI an easy target for the po. Each light strand lasts up to 30 hours on 3 AA batteries, which should be plenty of time to make a few Benjamins blowing the minds of frat row schmos high on ketamine and horse tranquilizers. Monkeys fit the spokes of most bike wheels 20 inches or larger.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/vibrating-bicycle-seat-8731.jpg?mode=crop "Vibrating Bicycle Seat")
Vibrating Bicycle Seat
A heads up to politicians and city planners: stop wasting your money on bike lanes, tax incentives, and PSA campaigns. All you need do to persuade your constituents to trade in cars for bicycles on their morning commute...
Iron Samurai Blue LED Watch
As if the opportunity to wear a segmented steel LED-lit wristband that might make people wonder if you're under house arrest isn't reason enough to complete this purchase, the fact that the Iron Samurai also possesses...
The 100 MPH Bicycle
And by 100 MPH Bicycle, Donhou Cycles really means Bicycle That Has Peaked at 60 MPH on the Open Road but Could Theoretically Make It to 100. I'm not sure how that theory was developed. I think it's how fast frame builder...
/LED-Eyelashes-851.jpg?mode=crop "LED Eyelashes")
LED Eyelashes
These are aptly named. An ingenious piece of technology wrought from Asian women's desire to have larger eyes, these seem more fit for the drug-and-urine-splattered concrete floor of the next rave in Omaha, Nebraska...
ONDA Cycle
ONDA terms itself a recumbent stunt bike/trike that can also be used to commute to work. Commute to work? What am I, the imp from Game of Thrones? Cee Lo Green? I'm not willingly placing a 3-foot-high version of myself...
Turbospoke Bicycle Exhaust System
Hey kids, here's a surefire way to make your parents construct an advent calendar counting down the days until you go back to school next fall. The Turbospoke system, a battery-free, pedal-powered child's dream, fits...
/barebones-miners-lantern-61987.jpg?mode=crop "Barebones Miners Lantern")
Barebones Miners Lantern
The tagline for the Barebones Miners Lantern should be: "The perfect gift for Happy, Sleepy, Grumpy, Sneezy, and all your favorite dwarfs!" This little light is really, truly a very little light. As a braggin' point...
FLASHr iPhone Notification Case
FLASHr debuts on Kickstarter as New Orleans boys Trey DeArk and Terence Green's slick reappropriation of the iPhone's built-in LED camera flash and iOS' "LED Flash Alerts". A 3-part, multi-colored case, FLASHr intertwines...
Paravelo Flying Bicycle
While I know my life would be forever changed had I XploreAir's flying bicycle, the Paravelo, during my fuming battles with city gridlocks and local Department of Transportation personnel who were almost certainly collectively...
Dancing Water Speakers
Broadcast your beats to the world from your car with LED equalizer stickers, and broadcast your beats to your mama from the living room with these dancing water speakers. Don't worry, she'll love them. They'll remind...
/cyclotron-spokeless-smart-47112.jpg?mode=crop "Cyclotron Spokeless Smart Bicycle")
Cyclotron Spokeless Smart Bicycle
For all the Sam Flynns out there who need more exercise, you'll soon be able to trade in your electric Light Cycles for pedal-powered Cyclotrons on your joyrides and daily commutes. The self-described "Future of Cycling"...
Bike Mine Exploding Anti-Theft Alarm
Bike Mine is a thing that makes you go boommm! At least if you're a dirty thief trying to make off with a dude's bicycle or motorcycle (or boat or jet ski if you live the kind of high rollin' life where that's a risk.)...