Penis Weight Set
- K-fit Kegel Toner for Men - $159.95
- Ruland One-Piece Clamping Shaft Collar - $16.56
- GHJ TOP Stretcher Silicone Enhancer Device for Balls - $22.75
- Silver Scrotum Stretch Cool Enhancer - $34.80
- Spiral Ball Stretcher - $19.80
All the talk of building a prison body during quarantine made me seek out this penis weight set. Because while you can certainly do pushups, pullups, chinups, dips, and squats like a convicted felon, it's gonna be real hard to work out your bacon bazooka like they do in the slammer.
I mean, unless you've got a few frat brothers as roommates.
Plus, what's the use of coming out the other side of corona with a prisoner's physique if you don't have the porn star's prominence to match it?
Officially called the Glans Exerciser Device, the penis weight set is made to work with your natural C&B body mechanics to train and improve Mr. Johnson "through the weight of gravity stretch." As the images indicate, you can advance your training by increasing the weight of the ball inserted into the dongbell from 22g to 34g to 49g to 62g. At each progression you'll also need to master various exercises, including The Newton's Cradle and The Helicopter.
They say the Glans Exerciser Device is suitable for beginners, and I think that means if you feel like your penis is already a bona fide bone-ified meathead, you may need to look elsewhere. One person who tried the penis weights was disappointed, calling them "baby dick weights," and suggesting a better set would include balls weighing 450g, 907g, 2268g, and 3408g.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/10-images-i-cant-believe-are-43138.jpg?mode=crop "10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)")
10 Images I Can't Believe Are Allowed on Amazon (NSFW)
And I mean very NSFW. I mean, it's not like I came across* these 10 images I can't believe are allowed on Amazon because I was searching for porn, boobies, or sex toys on Amazon. I was just minding my own business, perusing...
How to Pee with Morning Wood
A self-help guide to dealing with the enormous issue I face first thing in the morning every single day of my life and it's packaged as whimsical wall art that will add immeasurable character to my bathroom? How to Pee...
/private-gym-penis-trainer-15734.jpg "Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)")
Private Gym Penis Trainer (NSFW)
It's the one body part P90X neglects. But before you reach for a Viagra to long-and-strongify your johnson, the Private Gym would like its shot at ripping your penis to shr-...uh... Maybe I'll go with a different idiomatic...
How to Live with a Huge Penis
Puberty was a really uncomfortable and difficult time for me. To the point that my mama went out and hired a shrink. At the end of the second session though he put his pen down and said, "Son, you really don't need me...
/wobbling-willy-your-face-on-28316.jpg "Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)")
Wobbling Willy - Your Face on a Dildo (NSFW)
Dudes, check out the Wobbling Willy's practical application for all those selfies you've been taking. Your face on a dildo. A way, way sexier (and more functional!) gift for your girlfriend than that framed dick pic you...
/embarrassing-box-prank-mailer-26431.jpg?mode=crop "Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)")
Embarrassing Box Prank Mailer (NSFW)
D*ck in a Box is back! Just in time to dil-dole out some good times at the office and an April Fool's Day gift or two. Like many popular send-it-anonymously pranks, maker Witty Yeti will take a sworn oath to mail your...
Bimek SLV - The Sperm Switch (NSFW)
Condoms or Dr. Snip. It's slim pickin's for dudes in the contraception department. And condoms are kinda lame due to the whole desensitization thing. And a vasectomy is kinda lame due to the whole sterilization thing...
Infant Circumcision Trainer
Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...
/heres-the-rub-the-best-male-45378.jpg?mode=crop "Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)")
Here's the Rub: The Best Male Masturbatory Aids (NSFW)
The very best male masturbatory aids always have been and always will be porn - obviously - but recent developments in sex toy tech and gadgetry, and the fact that dating is even trickier during a pandemic than it is...
/pacos-taco-stroker-22826.jpg "Paco's Taco Stroker")
Paco's Taco Stroker
At first I was like, Who the h-e-double-boner named this kitchen tool "Paco's Taco Stroker?" I'm going to make so many masturbation jokes when I write about it. And then I looked closer and was like, Holy hard-on! They...
/the-ball-lifter-nsfw-19337.jpg?mode=crop "The Ball Lifter (NSFW)")
The Ball Lifter (NSFW)
I know what you're thinking: is that a push-up bra...for my balls? The answer is yes. The Ball Lifter was designed to lift and embellish your package without pumps, pills, or other male member enhancement quackery. It's...
/fun-with-anatomical-optical-39428.jpg?mode=crop "Fun with Anatomical Optical Illusions (NSFW)")
Fun with Anatomical Optical Illusions (NSFW)
I've found some choice anatomical optical illusions for your viewing pleasure this evening (or morning with your computer rearview mirror on your monitor at work). Most are just momentary illusions whose true nature is...