Kneading Shiatsu Back Massager
/kneading-shiatsu-back-massager-26715.jpg "Kneading Shiatsu Back Massager")
- Thumper Sport Percussive Massager - $129.00
- Naipo Shoulder Massager - $49.99
- Ohuhu Shiatsu Deep Kneading Massage Pillow with Heat - $24.99
- TheraGun G1 Professional Muscle Massager - $599.00
- Shibari My Wand OG Power Wand Massager - $29.95
I've said it before, but inviting a mesh pillow shiatsu back massager (with heat!) into my home has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Definitely better than letting in that dude who claimed to be my half brother. I always wanted a brother....
I own this muscle-manhandling feat of engineering. The smaller version of the one I wish I had, and the one you see here: the Naipo 3D Kneading Shiatsu Back Massager.
Also with an optional heat function, the Naipo massager is long enough to knead up and down your entire back or, should you choose to let it wander elsewhere, your neck, shoulders, legs, and ass. Yeah, I have definitely sat on my shiatsu balls. They're amazingly hardy, and just keep dig, dig, digging under the pressure. To mix things up, the 12 nodes alternate moving in a clockwise and then a counterclockwise motion every minute. Once you fire them up a timer starts and the massager auto-shuts itself off after 15 minutes. In case you fall asleep or get sucked into a black hole of pleasure and lose your place in reality. Which you will.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/myo-telekinetic-armband-17931.jpg?mode=crop "MYO Telekinetic Armband")
MYO Telekinetic Armband
Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as...
Muscle-Enhancing Shirt
Money can squeeze the fat in, and now money can carve the muscle out. Which means there are exactly 0 reasons left for me to exercise. What? Avoiding heart disease and diabetes? Psshhh! Preventable, life-threatening afflictions...
Fat Gripz Arm Builders
Obviously the best thing to do if you want to be as strong and jacked as humanly possible is take a lot of steroids. But since steroids are expensive and mostly illegal and might make you talk like Mickey Mouse, an alternative...
Short Sleeve Weighted Training Shirt
Here's a way to make yourself way less comfortable, but way more badass while working out. The TITIN Force is a complete weighted compression system all tucked into a short sleeve shirt. It utilizes a 3-part hyper gravity...
/naked-3d-fitness-scanner-21925.jpg "Naked 3D Fitness Scanner")
Naked 3D Fitness Scanner
All you metric-driven, body-conscious visual learners out there, it's time to get Naked. And anyone else intrigued by the idea of using regular 3D body scans to track health and fitness, you might want to give this full-length...
/massage-ball-set-61442.jpg?mode=crop "Massage Ball Kit")
Massage Ball Kit
I never thought I'd eagerly anticipate, and sometimes straight up long for, blue balls until I got me this Massage Ball Kit. The 6-piece set contains tools of various sphere-based shapes, sizes, and materials, each with...
Sit & Decompress - The Ultimate Back Stretcher
Sex swing for your health! Naw, it's not a sex swing. I mean not officially. What you use it for is entirely up to you though. What Sit & Decompress developed their dangling doorway harness for is your spine. They call...
SmartMio Wearable Muscle Stimulator
Getting ripped while sitting on my ass. It's the stuff dreams are made of. And, fingers crossed into a length of 550 paracord, the stuff SmartMio will be made of. SmartMio is a wearable muscle stimulator and app-based...
Armore Exoskeleton Arm Exerciser
Armore's selling exoskeletons. Exoskeletons with a side of...tickets to the gun show! Their arm exercisers, wearables you can slip on before any activity, or under your clothes before you start your day, provide programmable...
/theragun-muscle-massager-43986.jpg?mode=crop "TheraGun Muscle Massager")
TheraGun Muscle Massager
The TheraGun muscle massager might be the non-human massager to end all massagers. In fact, I'd bet a crisp Abe Lincoln it could give most human professionals a run for their money too. Tension and pain relief, increased...
/muscle-suit-every-41210.jpg?mode=crop "Muscle Suit Every - Exoskeleton for Heavy Lifting")
Muscle Suit Every - Exoskeleton for Heavy Lifting
The Muscle Suit Every is gonna be that forever positive and optimistic friend who's always telling you to lighten up, dude! I mean, the couch only weighs 450 pounds, and it's only the 3rd time your wife has asked you...
/bullbar-freestanding-folding-50818.jpg?mode=crop "Bullbar Freestanding, Folding Pull-Up Bar")
Bullbar Freestanding, Folding Pull-Up Bar
I suck at pull-ups. But at least with the Bullbar, I can save the strength I'd normally expend to assemble, set up, and fight with my wife about how I didn't really ruin the doorway installing a pull-up bar, and direct...