Novelty

The problem with free speech is that it makes everyone think it's OK for them to say something. For our forefathers, free speech meant frank debates and sweeping public addresses. Today it means Facebook tirades, anonymous...

It's not an oompa loompa, but a portable plaque of specimens ranging from a thread of circa 350 BC Egyptian mummy wrap to a sliver of T-Rex tooth is still rad enough for me to whine, "Mama! I want a Mini Museum! I want...

My Darwin fish eats your Jesus fish damns the pot-smoking jam band Phish fish. Orrr...my TRUTH ichthys consumes your Darwin decal. Presumably with love. And with Star Trek and Cthulhu fish as spectators. The Flying Spaghetti...

This 2 oz. bottle of Luminol contains the exact formula used worldwide by Crime Scene Investigators. The way you get its blue chemiluminescence to show is simple. 1) Bleed all over something. 2) Clean it up. 3) Spray...

Oh good, it's Billy the Puppet poised to nod and smirk at me all day long. That mouth doesn't actually move, does it? And that tricycle doesn't actually roll, does it? What are the odds that a bobblehead from Saw arrives...

Here's a Swiss bank safe for you to put in your living room. Or your back yard. Your secret catacombs? Somewhere roomy, guarded, and secure, because one thing's for sure: the vault's self-contained 1,619 safe deposit...

Merry Christmas to all! Especially my friend Cornelius, who is sulky this year on account of his girlfriend having dumped him at Thanksgiving! This breakup was, of course, the best Xmas gift I myself could have received...

Now drive slow, honey, it's not a race. Ha! Clearly that bit of motherly wisdom is a crock, as indicated by this vehicle manufacturer-issued decal right here on my side view mirror. It is a race, Mama. And all of those...

Apparently, we're allowed to take aim only at the Dark Side. Sneaky Studios didn't design any of their Star Wars shooting targets with Luke or Han or Yoda behind the bullseye, which in a way cuts out an entire buyer demographic...

Who wants to dissipate a crowd? Shorten the line to get into Comic-Con? Gain some alone time with the Mona Lisa at the Louvre? Convince the cop you really were going 120 in response to massive GI issues? Nasal Nausea...

More surprising than that bullet knives exist is that they are sold in boxes of 12. Just how many bullet knives does one need? Are they like disposable razors? Good for 3 or 4 rounds of...uh...slashing and stabbing things...

My life-size Iron Man statue needs a buddy. Or a nemesis so I can choreograph elaborate sparring bouts for the two of them in my head. Or how about Tony Stark can be my super-ego and this 6' tall stormtrooper my id, and...

It's 2.2 pounds--or what the rest of the world calls 1 kilogram--of tactile stimulation and scientific wonderment. While all sand can technically enjoy kinetic activities, Kinetic Sand claims the additional bragging rights...

You know how some people pour vodka in their eye or, like, soak a tampon in it and then stick it up their butt to get drunk quick and calorie-free? Well now there's a similar--albeit safer and way less disgusting--way...

Is there any sight more precious and heartwarming than a loved one sleeping peacefully within the jaws of a shark? Oh come on, in a way he's protecting them. I hear that even kidnappers, bogeymen, and dogs who like humping...

Heh, heh, Vader, I'm gonna step on your face. Make you lick my boots. Defile your image with mud and, if we're both unlucky, dog shit. Rub...hey, wait. I like Darth Vader. He repented in the end like a good Catholic...

My friend Cornelius put one of these prank bumper stickers on my car the other day, and even though I realized it was magnetic and therefore easily removed shortly after retracing my drive to the soft-serve ice cream...

Crazy Aaron says his Liquid Glass Thinking Putty is "so clear you'll think the can is empty." Well thanks for the warning, Crazy A, because I'm tired of spending the money I work so hard to earn from my mama's allowance...

I think metal is OK, and I think liquid is OK, but for some reason if you put them together, "OK" turns into SO FUCKING RAD. (Huh. I just realized I feel similarly about vodka and this girl Karin I know). And when it...

A miniature exact replica of mine own self, scanned and 3D printed to order? Hmmm. How about a gargantuan, like 10:1, 3D-printed twin that I can fill with air as I would a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade ballon and float...

Not only is aerogel the world's lightest solid with a composition of 99.8% air (carbon dioxide) and 0.2% silica gel, and not only does it have sick nicknames, such as "frozen smoke" and "blue smoke", but it also has the...

Shooting rubber bands, using pens to shoot rubber bands, using pen springs to shoot the ink inserts of pens themselves at mineral fiber ceiling tiles in hopes of getting one to stick...it's a generalized concept as old...

Broquets are cornucopias of real man stuff sent to real men...plus women who don't want no stinkin' roses, and would rather have a vat of hot sauce that puts hair on their chest than a box of chocolates that puts pounds...

The chemical element Gallium does not exist in pure form in nature, but since it's so magical and badass looking all solid-to-liquid-at-the-touch-of-a-human-hand and all, of course man figured out a way to extract it...