Gear

Red Light Therapy Slipper for Foot Pain

$149.99 - $289.99 Amazon »

Forget Prince Charming, what Cinderella really wants is a pair of red light therapy slippers to ease the immense foot pain she's got from waltzing at balls and trying to sprint home at midnight in damn glass shoes. Hard...

Ark Lite Nebula Projector

$39.99 Amazon »

Yep, the Ark Lite Nebula Projector looks like some real Jodie Foster Contact material. Touch it and you'll almost certainly have a moving experience on an idyllic beach with an alien in the body of a beloved dead relative...

Beetlejuice Airblown Inflatable Car Buddy

$74.95 Amazon »

While I appreciate the idea of a Beetlejuice Inflatable Car Buddy, looking at this Beetlejuice Inflatable Car Buddy from Gemmy makes me wonder: What the Otho Fenlock is that amoebic green half-horseshoe snot mustache...

MechaniCoasters - DIY Kinetic Sculpture Coasters

I definitely wanted a set of MechaniCoasters to appease my fidgety fingers and steampunk penchant, and my wife's naggy inclinations and aversion to anything ring-shaped and wet touching her tables. But then I saw these...

Rock Climbing Mugs

$29.99 - $84.95 Etsy »

According to Climbergoods, these Rock Climbing Mugs are "suitable for expert or novice climbers." And if you're the latter, better hope they're right, because it will be a coffee crotch morning, or tea tittie afternoon...

Reddick Voyager Modular Guitar

$1,499.99 Reddick »

According to Reddick, "Voyager is a boutique modular guitar designed for the gigging musician." And if this Dude is anything, I am...farther away from being a gigging musician than The Beatles are from getting back together...

Excel Spreadsheet Shortcut Mug

I don't know if this Excel Spreadsheet Shortcut Mug would make a better tongue-in-cheek gift for a geek, or genuine gift for an overzealous mouse-clickin' Excel newbie. Such as my mama, who doesn't even need Excel, but...

Washing Machine Aquarium

I always thought the fishiest thing about washing machines was how they regularly eat my socks. But, hey, here's a Washing Machine Aquarium. A clothes washer full of fish. And once again, the Dude is proven wrong...

10' Animated Beetlejuice Sandworm

Sold Out Amazon »

I've been walking by a 10' Animated Beetlejuice Sandworm every day for the last 2 weeks, courtesy of the best neighbor ever who installed one in his front yard, alongside this 6' inflatable black cat with rotating head...

Hungry Fan 3-in-1 Tailgating Thermal Bag

$49.95 Amazon »

I don't know about the "fan" part, but "hungry" is a top word I'd use to describe myself, and as a hungry dude, if not a hungry fan, I do like the idea of eating delicious food that will make me slightly less hungry at...

Homework Desk & Work Table

"Homework," a desk and work table from Tomas Kral, is a pretty damn cool design. More importantly, it's a pretty damn cool design dudes and ladies who know their way around a toolbox could probably DIY for their own WFH...

Puffin Drink Wear Koozies

$12.95 - $21.95 Puffin »

Puffin Drink Wear Koozies make your cans and bottles feel extra cozy in their cozys with a double insulated construction, and miniature outerwear and sleeping bag designs. The latter also put the koozies squarely into...

Friday the 13th Jason Garden Gnome

$15 Etsy »

Amelie meets Friday the 13th! What a precious and heartwarming way to die!...

Corn Dog Butt Plug

$25 - $250 Etsy »

And you thought corn dogs plugged you up before. This Corn Dog Butt Plug from Glow F Yourself does double plugging duty too - the metal or silicone end plugs into one willing participant's poophole, and the breaded meat...

FireCel Plus Hand Warmer, Flashlight & Charger

$44.79 Amazon »

The FireCel Plus is a 3-in-1 hand warmer, flashlight, and charger from Celestron, who I know as "the expensive telescope people." And indeed, a multi-tool that will toast your frigid fingers, power up your dying phone...

Heinz Ketchup Packet Roller

$5.70 Heinz »

On the one hand, the Heinz Packet Roller is encouraging us not to make a mess and waste ketchup. How very tidy and eco-conscious of them. But on the other, when you have to invent a gadget - however tongue-in-cheek and...

LIFEID Medical Alert Bracelet

Discontinued

The LIFEID Medical Alert Bracelet isn't the sexiest piece of jewelry I've ever seen, but neither is your fitness tracker. And, hey, neither is dying because the first responders trying to save your life after a car crash...

Minimal Precision Hand Coffee Grinder

Sold Out Amazon »

Wait, I have to do all the work myself, and you cost how much, Minimal Precision Hand Coffee Grinder? I feel a hand cramp and some buyer's remorse coming on...

Portable Folding Toilet

Sold Out Amazon »

Flying poop? Not cool. Pooping on the fly? So...well, maybe not cool per se, but certainly useful. Especially when you can whip out a Portable Folding Toilet on your hiking or camping trip, or when Montezuma decides to...

Happy Ride Backseat Dog Zipline

$17.95 Amazon »

The Happy Ride Backseat Dog Zipline endeavors to restrain your puppers during car rides without completely constraining them...

Zombie Kids Halloween Yard Art

$71.11 Etsy »

My mama's gonna dig adding these Zombie Kids to her front yard when she decorates for Halloween this year. I'll be a fan of them too if they scare away some of her trick-or-treaters, thus creating more leftover candy...

EDC Mini Cleaver

$56 Etsy »

Hungry for a little something? A squab, some nice frog's legs, a hamster, perhaps? This EDC Mini Cleaver from Titan International will see you through the breakdown of any number of small butchering chores. And if you're...

Denizen Archetype Smartpod Prefab Office

Denizen, I will take one Archetype smartpod, and one chunk of wilderness to put it on, please. Denizen's forthcoming prefab office is a fully-loaded, fully-furnished, 3D-printed remote work space ready for setup in pretty...

KFC Chicken Combo Keycaps

$24.99 - $109.99 Etsy »

Looking at Joode 3D's KFC Chicken Combo Keycaps has me jonesing for my F1 - F12. The keyboard flair is available in 5 different KFC classics, including a Fried Chicken Bucket, French Fries, Mashed Potatoes, a Sodie...