Weapons
Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk
This is what I have to say about the Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk: sometimes, God does man a favor. Such as when He allows him to conceive and actualize pasties. Two nights in a row now, I've attended functions that randomly...
Brite Strike Tactical Balls
Disorienting, blinding, and giving people seizures all serve as excellent forms of distraction during attempts at self-defense and ploys to make off with the $80 giant peanut butter cup cake. Brite Strike's Tactical Balls...
The Peacemaker - Nightstick Stun Gun
Peacemaker sounds noble. Civil. The Ned Stark approach. Which also connotes decapitation of he who bears the peace. When we're discussing a nightstick charged with 6,000,000 volts of blood-buzzing electricity, Peaceforcer...
Carbon Fiber Daggers
The Escort series of carbon fiber daggers is not meant for cutting. It's meant for stabbing. That statement did not even stem from my powers of deduction, but directly from the manufacturer's literature. Aerospace grade...
Grenade Folding Knife
The extent of Amazon's grenade knife description: "Looks like a grenade." Hmmm...sold! I'm such an easy target for advertisers. Don Draper could probably sell me a pile of gorilla shit. He could probably sell me a ticket...
Custom Made Lightsabers
Be advised: Although Phillip Isherwood's custom crafted lightsabers blaze LED spectral force fields of green, red, or blue and arrive with 36" long polycarbonate blades designed for full speed, full contact dueling, he...
Bleeding Zombie Clown Target
The original Tactical Bleeding Zombie Target provides hours of strategic and graphic training for ZDay vigilantes, but until now, shooting practice accessories did little for those who hate both zombies and clowns. Which...
ZDay Blades & Bludgeons
In the words of the great Missy Elliott's lyrical masterpiece "Ching-A-Ling", "This is serious maaannnn!" Etsy vendor ZDay Survivor's extensive collection of hand-chiseled, zombie-eradicating blades and bludgeons don't...
Baseball Bat Flashlight
A swing and a miss no more. Not with 400 Lumens of LED light pouring from the tip of your baseball bat. Available in compact, but business-takin'-care-of 15-1/2", and say-goodbye-to-the-bones-in-your-face 23-1/2" models*...
Multi-Action Rubber Band Shotgun
My girlfriend says there's a laser treatment for your face that feels like you're repeatedly getting shot with a fully-extended rubber band. Which sounds terrible to me, and not really that much fun for either the recipient...
Manticuda Knife
In life, it's important to possess three things with a pistol grip: a pistol; a hairdryer; and a Manticuda knife. Designed for ease of access and supreme thrusting power, the steel Manticuda's fixed blade and 90-degree...
Sap Cap - Weaponized Baseball Hat
Unassuming. Low-profile. Comfortable. Able to shatter wrist bones. Just the combination of qualities I've been looking for in a baseball hat. The Sap Cap takes traditional headwear to the covert weapon level with its...
Mace Pepper Spray Gun
Good news, Ralphie Parker. The whole point of the Mace Pepper Gun is to shoot an eye out. Using patented Bag-in-a-Can technology--ooh, that sounds...the opposite of intimidating--the pistol's system enables loaded cartridges...
Self Defense Shoelace Inserts
Fury's Tactical Kuba-Kickz is a lightweight plastic, spiked insert that fits between the weave of shoelaces and serves as a--how do you say?--balls-on accurate, devastatingly effective, though non-lethal self defense...
Crovel Tactical Shovel
"Crovel", like "spork", is a portmanteau word. It combines "Shovel" and "Crap! I'm gonna get impaled, sawed, and scooped all at once!" GearUp's latest in a respectable line of survival tools, the Crovel Tactical weighs...
Railroad Spike Knives
Blacksmith Jeremy Duke has four things to say about his Railroad Spike Knives. They are 1) forged for our pleasure and 2) predominantly novelty items, but 3) can be used to F someone up as a weapon, although he makes...
Portable Survival Rifle
"Don't leave civilization without one." It's the motto of the US Survival AR-7, a semi-automatic portable rifle that weighs a mere 3-1/2 pounds and measures in at 16-1/2" long when broken down and stowed in its waterproof...
Yellow Jacket - iPhone Stun Gun Case
In an act of retaliation against its relegation to the uncomfortably jarring vibrate setting, the iPhone has summoned the Yellow Jacket, and plans to return the favor. In the form of a body-rocking 650,000 volts. The...
Z.E.R.O. - Zombie Apocalypse Kit
OK, zombiologists, conspiracy theorists, slaves to sci-fi, and keepers of the Boy Scout motto, it's time to put your $24,000 where your mouth is. OpticsPlanet has assembled a stunning and formidable sprawl of zombie apocalypse...
Four-Barrel Underwater Dart Gun
As we prepare to honor the USA with a day of drinking beer, eating potato salad, dinking around with bottle rockets, and setting fire to the sky, the Four-Barrel Underwater Dart Gun would like to remind us we should also...
Aliens M41A Pulse Rifle - Fully Functional
You look at the replica M41A Pulse Rifle from Aliens, its fully adjustable metal stock and removable magazine, and wonder, Is it real? It looks real. It's the right shape. It's...huge...definitely the right size. It moves...
Blade Driver Crossbow
Ornery watermelons, prepare to meet your fate. Tactical tinkerer, and Laser Glove creator, Patrick Priebe's Blade Driver crossbow launches whirling buzz saws at all deserving targets, but especially those that are mealy...
Alien Spiked Tri-Blade Hand Claw
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...but I do got a sick 16 1/2" solid cast metal Alien Spiked Tri-Blade Hand Claw coated in an antique brass and gun-metal finish, which I will shadow box with in front of the...
Super Shorty Shotgun
The Super Shorty Shotgun is based on a Mossberg Maverick 12-gauge, and, at an additional cost, is also available in models Mossberg 500, Remington 870, and Lil' Kim. Factory-fabricated with a pistol grip, the Super Shorty...