Unbreakable Slugger Umbrella
Look at that dude standin' on his umbrella! Aw snap, he just wailed on an 80-pound heavy bag with it. Holy crap, now he used it to hack up a watermelon! That's sufficient enough evidence for me to believe the Unbreakable Umbrella holds true to its name. And that it can also double as a mother truckin' Louisville slugger to aid in self defense. Can you imagine whacking someone in the face with one of those things, and then strolling out into the dark and stormy night with nary a drop of water permeating your $1,200 suit? Bond would have nothing on that shit.
Weighing less than 2 pounds, Unbreakable Umbrellas are inconspicuous and legel to carry anywhere, but pack a punch as strong as a steel pipe. They stave off the rain, hold resilient in high winds, and serve as canes or walking sticks with equal finesse. An umbrella with gusto. Now there's something I never knew I always wanted.
Unbreakable Umbrellas look and function like normal rain reflectors. Standard models are machine-made with fiberglass and polyamide, while Premium umbrellas are handmade out of steel and high-strength aluminum (the difference being in warranty periods of 2 years and lifetime). Both versions have been field-tested by the Penguin and are guaranteed not to break under normal use.
According to the manufacturer, "Anyone who can use a stick for defense can use this umbrella." One time I took a class on Filipino stick fighting and even though I spent most of it flailing erratically and complaining about the blisters on my hands, I feel it qualifies me to carry an Unbreakable Umbrella. As soon as mine arrives I'm going to the hood for ice cream and then I might swing by the fights and hit on some of the boxers' girlfriends.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
Gotcha Cap Self Defense Tool
You can watch the video to see the Gotcha Cap in action, or click here to watch a GIF of it showing a punk ass watermelon what's up. Issued by FAB Defense, the Gotcha Cap is a covert self defense tool (and swell hat!)...
Sap Cap - Weaponized Baseball Hat
Unassuming. Low-profile. Comfortable. Able to shatter wrist bones. Just the combination of qualities I've been looking for in a baseball hat. The Sap Cap takes traditional headwear to the covert weapon level with its...
Benthic Knife
Five seconds into a look through Triangle Krav Maga's Website and Facebook photo stream and two things become abundantly clear: these cats do not F around; and I would like an application to become one of them. After...
Anti-Kidnapping Watch Band
Mark Greenman has seen the TIHK and raised it a ceramic razor blade, a 4' Kevlar friction saw, and one trip to the lower hemisphere. In his own words: I designed the A-K Band because I plan on traveling to South America...
Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun
When it comes to delivery method, punching someone in the face has 3 tiers of awesome: 1) Bare fist; 2) Fist coated in brass knuckles; 3) Fist coated in brass knuckles juiced up to deliver 950,000 volts of blue lightning...
/cut-to-fit-the-coolest-covert-33225.jpg?mode=crop "Cut to Fit: The Coolest Covert Wearable Knives")
Cut to Fit: The Coolest Covert Wearable Knives
The blades in this collection of covert wearable knives aren't so much Bond gadgets or reliable self-defense tools as they are lifesavers in the arenas of cable- and cord-cutting, paper-slicing, and balloon-popping...
/monkey-fist-paracord-self-14800.jpg "Monkey Fist Paracord Self Defense Keychain")
Monkey Fist Paracord Self Defense Keychain
"This Monkey Fist unit looks like a simple harmless keychain. However, in the unfortunate event that you need to defend yourself this powerful self defense keychain will stun and maim your attacker." And how is that?...
Buddha Beads Self Defense Necklace
Huh. Not sure how Buddha would feel about people co-opting his peaceful name and beads of spiritual exploration and meditation to make a necklace for whacking an attacker upside the head. But I can kind of see where Phoenix...
Brite Strike Tactical Balls
Disorienting, blinding, and giving people seizures all serve as excellent forms of distraction during attempts at self-defense and ploys to make off with the $80 giant peanut butter cup cake. Brite Strike's Tactical Balls...
Brutus the Bulldog Self Defense Keychain
Add some extra spice to your knuckle sandwich. On a typical day, Brutus the Bulldog simply tricks out the keys to your Honda Civic. But on the day you leave the Civic at home, and get jumped walking home from the bar...
/wasp-less-lethal-weapon-42074.jpg?mode=crop "WASP Less-Lethal Weapon Accessory")
WASP Less-Lethal Weapon Accessory
The WASP weapon accessory is an add-on for your existing 9mm pistol that converts it into a less-lethal self defense option for a single round. The WASP impact baton fits into the gun's barrel and, when fired, shoots...
Fatboy NukoHead
NukoTools' Fatboy NukoHead provides 3/8" of non-metallic double-knuckle impact for maximal Don't F with me effect. And since it looks like Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas, you may not even need to...