Bathroom Scale Floor Mat
- Do You Live Here? Doormat - $18.00
- Flip Flops Bleach Printed Coir Door Mat - $25.99
- Doorbell Broken Yell Ding Dong! Really Loud Doormat - $19.95
- Expensive Wine Doormat - $27.50
Welcome to my home, lardass. Whether set at your front door as a welcome mat or in your bathroom as a floor mat, this replica scale is sure to give guests a moment of panic before they set their hovering foot down. Even those who don't think they need to lose a few pounds (i.e., the 1%) will probably find being faced with an unexpected measurement of their body weight a bit of a buzzkill. And those who know they're overweight, but told themselves they'd just forget about it in the company of good friends and have a good time tonight - ha! Welcome to my home, lardass.
The scale may be fake, but the emotions it brings up are real!
Part funny gag, part sign of an evil person at heart, the Bathroom Scale Floor Mat has a non-woven fabric top and neoprene rubber non-slip backing. I think the Pooping Please Come Back Later doorknob sign is funnier, and less vicious, but a fake bathroom scale floor protector is still a decent novelty gift.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/just-text-us-doormat-42515.jpg?mode=crop "Just Text Us Doormat")
Just Text Us Doormat
"Just text us when you're here. No need to knock and get the dogs involved." Whether you're a pet owner or not, this doormat sends a relatable message. And since anyone who comes over is certainly on their phone right...
/whalecum-mat-30299.jpg?mode=crop "Whalecum Mat")
Whalecum Mat
Whalecum, my friends. We have nothing but whalecum for you in this house. Spermy the Whale gives a gushing "Hello!" to all guests who cross the threshold in this delightful Whalecum Mat...
/dont-stop-be-leaving-42969.jpg?mode=crop "Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat")
Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat
I'd call the Don't Stop. Be Leaving. Doormat the ultimate Dad joke, but Dad would never be so rude to a visitor. And Dad would never wish a visitor to go away, even salespeople, and Mormons who want to teach him about...
/spider-web-light-up-doormat-61297.jpg?mode=crop "Spider Web Light Up Doormat")
Spider Web Light Up Doormat
I'll welcome only those with webbed feet into my home this Halloween. Feet, that is, that have been wiped clean on my Spider Web Light Up Doormat...
/felt-stone-area-rugs-26376.jpg "Felt Stone Area Rugs")
Felt Stone Area Rugs
These felt stone area rugs and mats are an optical illusion! They look like a path of hard, smooth rocks, but are actually ultra-soft, textured rounds of merino sheep and llama wool. Oh man, now I'm torn. Should I put...
/stoic-active-standing-mat-45973.jpg?mode=crop "STOIC Active Standing Mat")
STOIC Active Standing Mat
Are you STOIC enough to work standing on a plank of nails? Cook as your feet and ankles stay active atop a Redwoods forest bed? Home school while balancing on and fidgeting through Flathead River rocks? monkii's STOIC...
/moving-liquid-floor-tiles-28201.jpg "Moving Liquid Floor Tiles")
Moving Liquid Floor Tiles
Moving liquid floor tiles spell DIY dance floor at the wedding and will make every kid want to stomp and spin and roll all over the floor in their bedroom. Get a few for your girlfriend, and the neon fluid free-flowing...
/tile-mat-customizable-doormat-40042.jpg?mode=crop "Tile Mat Customizable Doormat")
Tile Mat Customizable Doormat
If you're gonna be a doormat, may as well be a Tile doormat that can say whatever the F it wants! The Tile Mat is a fully customizable, and infinitely changeable, floor mat consisting of a white snap-in backing and black...
/moss-carpet-living-bath-mat-48536.jpg?mode=crop "Moss Carpet - Living Bath Mat")
Moss Carpet - Living Bath Mat
Ahhh, the Moss Carpet reminds me of waking at dawn in a cloud forest, creeping across the rich and vibrant green vegetation of its cushioned floor, the beating heart of nature tickling my feet. Yeah. Either that, or being...
/fk-rug-59422.jpg?mode=crop "F**k Rug")
F**k Rug
How do you say, "Welcome?" "F**k." How do you say, "Don't drip shower water on the floor?" "F**k." How do you say, "Here's a cozy place to put your toesies when you get out of bed in the morning?" Yes, that's right...
/diatomaceous-earth-stone-bath-53198.jpg?mode=crop "Diatomaceous Earth Stone Bath Mat")
Diatomaceous Earth Stone Bath Mat
What's this, diatomaceous earth, you're in bath mat form now? Are you trying to challenge activated charcoal for the title of Strangest Naturally Occurring Substance You Can Use for Pretty Much Everything?...
/steppix-pro-portable-breaking-60857.jpg?mode=crop "Steppix PRO Portable Breaking Mat")
Steppix PRO Portable Breaking Mat
Oh, what, b-boys and b-girls, cardboard isn't good enough anymore? You're gonna buy a Steppix PRO Portable Breaking Mat, and have it shipped in an Amazon box that itself would be perfectly suitable and portable enough...