How to Choose a Bottle of Wine
/how-to-choose-a-bottle-of-wine-4549.jpg "How to Choose a Bottle of Wine Poster")
- Whole Bottle-Holding Wine Glass - $18.90
- Sexy Redneck Women Handpainted Wine Glass - $19.99
- Stemmed Baby Bottle - $14.98
- Oh Snap! Mouse Trap Cheese Cutter & Board - $24.99
- Please Send Wine! Bottle Stopper - $4.87
Wine Folly has released this quasi-satirical, though largely legit and helpful, infographic to assist self-conscious or indecisive wine buyers in the selection of the perfect bottle to bring, serve, or guzzle down solo while watching Edward Scissorhands with tear-stained cheeks for the 187th time. Starting with the two big categories of pressed grape consumption, personal use and presenting to someone else, How to Choose a Bottle of Wine navigates its oeno-players through an engaging series of flow chart conduits leading either to the perfect red or white match, or an exasperated sigh for the truly hopeless, and the polite request to "Get out of my flow chart."
Prompts include: Is it a special occasion?; Is it a dinner party?; Do you want to get drunk?; How well do you really know them?; Will the food pairing be cooked in a microwave?; and Is it an art opening? The latter's blanket recommendation, based on the assertion that "They rarely have a sense of taste," is a solid bottle of Two Buck Chuck. Seemingly serious and helpful suggestions range from forgoing wine in favor of whisky or vodka for bachelor(ette) parties, to a California Pinot Noir for the "Hedonistic Joy Ride" that should be your first anniversary, to a Chinon or Bourgueil if you're looking for a daily drinking wine...and ate dirt as a child.
The How to Choose a Bottle of Wine poster measures 18" x 27", and is printed on high quality archival paper, with a matte, book-style finish.
/the-complete-home-bar-product-31094.jpg?mode=crop "The Complete Home Bar Product Guide")
The Complete Home Bar Product Guide
Stocking a home bar might be the only household chore on earth I would describe as "joyous." From glassware for beer, wine, and whiskey, to the bottle opening, cork-pulling, cocktail-shaking tools of the bartending trade...
/the-coolest-wine-liquor-34455.jpg?mode=crop "The Coolest Wine & Liquor Decanters")
The Coolest Wine & Liquor Decanters
Aeration and filtration be damned! The most important attribute of any wine or liquor decanter is that it looks as dashing as Gosling, as unique as Buscemi, or as badass as The Rock sitting on your bar...
Don't Break the Bottle Wine Puzzle
Oh, Dad. You're such a sage. A simultaneous student and master of life. Willing pawn of the golf course, declared slave to the fishing pole. A magnate at the office, a maestro on the grill. Cigar aficionado, connoisseur...
/diy-ice-mold-wine-bottle-61587.jpg?mode=crop "DIY Ice Mold Wine Bottle Chiller")
DIY Ice Mold Wine Bottle Chiller
Match your bottles of bubbles with the festive, fun, romantic, or spooky theme of the party you're pouring them for with a DIY Ice Mold Wine Bottle Chiller. The stainless steel ice bucket holds a cylindrical ring of ice...
/cabidor-classic-storage-15491.jpg "Cabidor Door Storage Cabinet")
Cabidor Door Storage Cabinet
Behind Door #1 we have...a full-length pantry of Combos and Cap'n Crunch! And Behind Door #1-1/2 we have...a dozen classic NES cartridges, a coupla Koosh balls, and VHS cassettes of the best porn from my childhood (circa...
/wine-education-prints-11022.jpg?mode=crop "Wine Education Prints")
Wine Education Prints
Wine Folly has produced a series of infographic prints to assist in the casual wine drinker's oeno-education, and to give the wine savvy a sense of pride in seeing all the minutiae living inside their heads poured onto...
/just-the-tipsy-sparkling-wine-58929.jpg?mode=crop "Just the Tipsy Sparkling Wine")
Just the Tipsy Sparkling Wine
I'm dude enough to admit it: I learned about Just the Tipsy Bubbly Rose, a sparkling wine served in a bottle shaped like penis, through Chrissy Teigan's Twitter feed about 5 minutes before writing this. Another thing...
/17-of-the-best-boozy-gifts-for-47198.jpg?mode=crop "17 of the Best Boozy Gifts for 2020")
17 of the Best Boozy Gifts for 2020
My collection of 17 of the best boozy gifts for 2020 isn't just about the booze itself. The beer, the wine, the liquor, sure, there's some of that. But there's also a lot of what you're gonna put your booze in. How you're...
/christmas-vacation-griswold-56735.jpg?mode=crop "Christmas Vacation Griswold House Boxed Wine")
Christmas Vacation Griswold House Boxed Wine
Does it matter the quality, or even the kind, of wine that comes in the box of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Griswold House Boxed Wine? Is that really going to have an impact on whether or not any of us buys it...
/pours-bowing-auto-pouring-33394.jpg?mode=crop "Pours Bowing, Auto-Pouring Decanter")
Pours Bowing, Auto-Pouring Decanter
Pours is so sure it's the most excellent wine and spirits decanter you'll ever use that it doesn't even wait until after it pours your glass of Bordeaux or whiskey to take a bow. It just incorporates the gesture into...
/champagne-sabre-15621.jpg "Champagne Sabre")
Champagne Sabre
Sure, any jackass can sabre open a bottle of Champagne with a kitchen knife. But if I'm going to try that, I may as well just lay my fingers on the sidewalk and chop them off. Save bloodying up my mama's kitchen and wasting...
/led-booze-bra-50279.jpg?mode=crop "LED Booze Bra")
LED Booze Bra
This LED Booze Bra from Liuyan Guo of Night Walker Art has many benefits. First, it will allow you to suck on random boobies without getting slapped and kneed in the groin. Well. Presuming you ask first and have permission...