The Avocado Incubator

Posted: February 13, 2013

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If you're going to give an avocado the Cuber treatment, you must first acquire an avocado. Now I know one way to accomplish this task entails a simple trip to the grocery store. But we live in a paradoxical age of extreme laziness meets figuring out ways to make everything more complex and time-consuming. We call the former evolving and the latter returning to our roots. Buying an avocado at the grocery store constitutes evolution, which may suit many of you. Others though, the root-seekers out there, will shun the supermarket blaspheme in favor of a months-long, painstaking process of growing the mother f'in avocado yourselves.

Andrew Mitchell's Avocado Incubator will assist in the seed's growth and performance. I promise it will not reduce any of the requisite elbow grease and patience, but it will prod the seed along, and help ensure your efforts are not wasted. Even hippy dippy organic vegans who insist on pooping in the back yard while the rest of us use Squatty Pottys have to agree that an extensive input of effort that produces nothing but a big donut hole is mildly irritating. The Incubator pot design incorporates a shelf with water drainage provisions that maintain the avocado seed's submersion in the correct depth of water, and enough space to accommodate sprouting roots. It also circumvents the traditional "cocktail stick" method of piercing the seed, which can damage and infect it.

Incubators can house a range of avocado seed sizes, down to 20mm in width. No word yet on whether they provide equally desirably growth environments for beanstalks.

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