Dog Shelter BBQ Finder App

Are you having trouble finding the very best dog shelter BBQs in your area? Well sharpen your steak knife and bow-wow your head to say grace because the same people who brought you The Funloving Feminist's Bible have added smartphone apps to their wheelhouse, and their inaugural release, The Last Bark, has canine lovers covered.

Historically dog shelter BBQs--hush-hush, "underground" eating clubs characterized by their hidden entryways, barred windows, and celebrity clientele--have been reserved for adventurous gourmets with thick wallets and top American Kennel Club breeders; they were off limits to the general public. But this was a restriction with which The Last Bark had a big, juicy bone to pick.

App creator, Cole Kutz, sheds some light on these hidden culinary gems, and why he believes they should be universally accessible. "Dog shelter BBQs have been in existence for as long as people have been unrealistic about their ability to care for a dog. Provided society as a whole maintains its well-established negligence as pet owners, street dogs, stray dogs, lost dogs, and abandoned dogs will grant animal shelters prime, succulent meat for their BBQs. Call it a happy accident. And now, with The Last Bark, anyone who craves a delicious and adventurous meal can find out--instantly, and with daily database updates--where they're being served."

Though most animal shelter representatives we approached refused to be interviewed about dog BBQs and The Last Bark, one did grant us a few minutes under the condition of anonymity. When questioned about the existence of shelter eating clubs, he responded, "Of course we roast dogs. But only the ones slated to be euthanized and, of those, only the ones who still have some heft left to them." He went on to qualify that while different shelters carry different policies for euthanization, most give owners and potential adopters "at least a day or two" to claim their pets. In defense of their operating procedures and practices, the representative continued, "How else would we get funding, keep our doors open? Donations? Yeah, maybe 30 years ago, but after that bitch Susan Komen got breast cancer, it all became about writing checks for pink ribbons and fat asses who walk a few miles."

With regard to The Last Bark's potential for opening the gourmet dining experience to a much wider audience, the rep concedes that shelters may lose the support of wealthy and high-profile diners who will no longer view the BBQs as an exclusive luxury. But he feels that once the rest of the population catches on the events will more than make up in numbers what they lose in deep pockets.

And why wouldn't they? Who will be able to resist expertly prepared delicacies such as:

• German Shepherd's Pie
• Pugs-in-a-Blanket
• Rack of Lab
• Beagle Back Ribs
• Chow Chow Mein
• Yorkshire Terrier Pudding
• Chihuahua Rellenos
• Goldensnickerdoodles
• Boston Terrier Creme Pie

The Last Bark has also committed to donating a portion of its proceeds each month to rotating animal shelters amenable to hosting dog BBQs for the homeless.

When asked what's up next for his forward-thinking organization, Kutz clams up about specifics, but does allude to a collaboration with carnivorous culinary giant Pets or Food to introduce a service that will satiate those with more exotic and savage appetites.