Pain Is A Bitch Bandages
/Pain-Is-A-Bitch-Bandages-1349.jpg "Pain Is A Bitch Bandages")
Most of these obscenity bandages seem apropos for the injuries they will cover, but who yells, "Balls!" after slicing through Tallman instead of the onion? Seriously, is "Balls!" really anyone's go-to vulgarity when overcome with anger, pain, frustration, or sadness? The Australians, maybe? Or is "Balls!" intended for use in conjunction with another bandage to treat larger abrasions, and form a compound crudity? For example, "Fuck!" also appears to be included in the 25-pack. Together, "Fuck!" and "Balls!" produce an obscenity that is both recognizable as part of the American English vernacular, and hilarious. Perhaps "Sick!" is also in the bandage collection. Even one of the display photos has opted for "Shit! Balls!" which is somewhat more identifiable as an exclamatory, but also kind of gross.
/pickle-bandages-62310.jpg?mode=crop "Pickle Bandages")
Pickle Bandages
Got a boo-boo? Why slap on a boring beige bandage when you can turn that frown upside down with a pickle? Yes, you heard that right - BioSwiss Novelty Bandages are here to add a little brine and shine to your scrapes...
Hyperice - Recovery of the Future
When I feel a tinge of pain during my engagement in taxing pursuits of physical prowess, such as owning the squash court and attending Zumba classes, I calmly remove myself from the action--no matter how many feisty Latinas...
/junk-drawer-starter-kit-61108.jpg?mode=crop "Junk Drawer Starter Kit")
Junk Drawer Starter Kit
At first I thought the Junk Drawer Starter Kit was some sort of gag gift, a box full of tangled paper clips and rubber bands, cables for long gone electronics, and at least 3 items that make you go, "What Is This Thing?"...
/zipstitch-close-wounds-34951.jpg?mode=crop "ZipStitch - Close Wounds Without Stitches")
ZipStitch - Close Wounds Without Stitches
If I had a gaping laceration on my leg, and someone handed me a ZipStitch kit and told me my options were to treat myself for free, or go to the hospital and spend $500 on stitches, I'm pretty sure I'd pick...passing...
/osteoid-3d-printed-12340.jpg "Osteoid - 3D Printed Ultrasound Cast")
Osteoid - 3D Printed Ultrasound Cast
Great. Now kids are going to start breaking one another's arms just so they can get a sick 3D-printed cast with attached bone stimulator to set and heal it. I mean, that's what I'd do if I were a kid. OK, maybe with a...
What Happened Bandages?
Nothing like a little colorful latex with cockamamie explanations of what you did to require bandage coverage to make paper cuts, minor dicing mishaps, and drunken tumbles look a little more admirable. Each box of What...
Buzzy Pain Blocker
Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...
/the-dechoker-19688.jpg "The Dechoker")
The Dechoker
Dude, the Dechoker might not be something you want (with 5 exclamation marks and a praying hands emoji!) per se, but it could be something you'll need one day, particularly if you've got children, or friends who behave...
Driveway Medic Asphalt Repair Fabric
Need to cover your crack? Driveway Medic says it will prevail where liquid crack filler falters. A roll of self-adhesive asphalt repair fabric, the patcher applies in seconds via a simple peel-and-stick method, covering...
/flexi-freeze-ice-vest-18593.jpg "Flexi Freeze Ice Vest")
Flexi Freeze Ice Vest
My ex-girlfriend Karen doesn't need a Flexi Freeze cooling vest because the ice in her heart is strong enough to chill her entire chest cavity, but if you do a lot of manual labor, have to wear a heavy costume, or are...
Nimuno Loops LEGO Compatible Adhesive Tape
LEGO my Eggo. Really. Stick a strip of Nimuno Loops LEGO-compatible adhesive tape on your frozen waffle box, or maybe the plate you're serving them on, and go to LEGO town building a fortress none shall pass as you eat...
/kea-kit-outdoor-survival-49998.jpg?mode=crop "KEA KIT Outdoor Survival System")
KEA KIT Outdoor Survival System
Get a leg up on nature with the KEA KIT outdoor survival system. KEA KIT. KEA KIT. That's an interesting name. Please tell me there's no assembly required for proper use. That I don't have to follow obscure line drawing...