Catzilla Sweatshirt
/catzilla-sweatshirt-9865.jpg "Catzilla Sweatshirt")
- Laser Eyes Space Cat T-Shirt - $16.99
- Cat Face Sweatshirt - $19.99
- Sheep Costume for Cats - $16.99
- Frisky Feline Sexy Cat Costume - $37.42
- Jungle King Lion Hat for Cats - $24.99
The Catzilla sweatshirt's manufacturer got me all hyped naming their bitchin' piece of runway domination the "Catzilla sweatshirt," but then pulled a Ben Stiller movie and stunk it up on the garment's description: "Sweatshirt with a sublimation print of a monster cat attacking a city." Seriously? That's worse than Little Fockers.
Where are my sweatshirt usage disclaimers? My warnings of the feline reign of terror that's about to descend upon my chest? Where is my Catzilla backstory?! I want a description of the raging puss' humble and happy beginnings on a dairy farm in Wisconsin. And the tale of the day the scientists moved in to cage all of the property's cats in a cavernous research facility beneath the barn. There they forced the helpless creatures to serve as test subjects for genetically modified milk.
The cats got sick, some dying instantly, others writhing for hours in pain as the experimental milk boiled their blood. One fateful night our terrified kitten lapped up a bucket overexposed to gamma radiation as he watched a snoozing on-duty scientist's Daft Punk Blu-ray play on constant loop in the background. The next morning, he was gone.
So was the dairy farm. Burned and leveled to an apocalyptic wasteland.
Catzilla was born.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat
The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...
Cat Battle Armor
Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...
/16-meow-ty-fine-cat-gifts-for-61236.jpg?mode=crop "16 Meow-ty Fine Cat Gifts for 2023")
16 Meow-ty Fine Cat Gifts for 2023
Cue the jingle, because I've got a Meow Mix of delights here for you. Meow-meow-meow-meow / meow-meow-meow-meow / meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow. That's 16 meows of the cat food commercial classic to represent...
/ez-nabber-cat-catcher-61397.jpg?mode=crop "EZ-Nabber Cat Catcher")
EZ-Nabber Cat Catcher
Me and the EZ-Nabber Cat Catcher have one thing to say to my cat, Zanzibar: yes, my feline friend, naughty kitties who leap at their owners in the midst of pouring a bottle of red wine, knock over all the filled glasses...
/exploding-kittens-card-game-19691.jpg?mode=crop "Exploding Kittens Card Game - NSFW Edition")
Exploding Kittens Card Game - NSFW Edition
Unlike run-of-the-mill kitten explosions, Exploding Kittens: NSFW Edition contains content that is not suitable for your workplace or children. And even though no one seems to be saying it, I'm guessing a card game featuring...
Spandex Black Cat Burglar Costume
What's better than an inked Felicia Hardy prancing around, getting limber on your pages of The Amazing Spider-Man as the Black Cat? A real live girl (or boy--we aim to please all orientations) prancing around, getting...
Cat Ear Headphones
Know what a Berkeley education gets you? The ability to mastermind genius ideas like cat ear headphones. And also the impeccable taste to select an incredibly hot Asian girl to model them. UC Berkeley alumni Wenqing Yan...
/cat-face-massager-61583.jpg?mode=crop "Cat Face Massager")
Cat Face Massager
I see this Cat Face Massager and have one thing to say to my own cat / arch nemesis about it: get ready for an enemies to lovers story, Zanzibar!...
Show Me Your Kitty Panties
Cats hide in the darndest of places, don't they? Etsy shop owner Elena prints adorable images of kitties onto semi-sexy pairs of underwear to create the overall awesome effect of the literal cuddly creature ladies obsess...
/sushi-cat-keychains-61629.jpg?mode=crop "Sushi Cat Keychains")
Sushi Cat Keychains
Sushi Cat, Sushi Cat, what are they feeding you? / Sushi Cat, Sushi Cat, it's not your... wait. Scratch that. More like Sushi Cat, Sushi Cat, who are they feeding you to? / Sushi Cat, Sushi Cat, it's not your fault! And...
Taxidermy Animal Drones
When I first read about, but hadn't yet seen, Copter Company's taxidermy animal drones I though they just sounded kinda goofy. Then I got a look at the Orvillecopter here. A spread-eagle taxidermied quad-cat-ter flying...
Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs
Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself...