Style

EDC Titanium Earpick

$19.90 - $25.49 Amazon »

An earpick, also known as an ear spoon or ear scoop, is a super sexy tool for ignoring your mama's advice and digging out all that gooey (or dry and flaky) earwax from your ear canals. And, with MecArmy's EDC Titanium...

LastTissue Reusable Tissue Pack

$23.95 Amazon »

LastObject says LastTissue, a reusable tissue pack, and the company's latest sustainable crowdfunding project, is "like if a handkerchief and a tissue pack had a baby." Which is to say, LastTissue is a set of handkerchiefs...

Weenie Beanie

Discontinued

It's a weenie beanie! A peener beaner! A cap coated in cocks 'n' balls!...

Face ID Compatible Respirator Masks

Discontinued

Face ID compatible respirator masks are surgical masks printed with the bottom half of your actual face to facilitate biometric recognition when you're contagious, or in the midst of a viral outbreak. That part is clear...

KFC Crocs

I hate Crocs. And I'm not as much of a KFC fanboy as I am a dedicated patron of Popeyes and my mama's kitchen when she gets out the deep fryer. But I have to give KFC Crocs credit for one gem of a KFC Crocs pitch: "Put...

myONE Perfect Fit Condoms

$8 - $10 myONE »

If the shoe fits...why shouldn't the condom? myONE Perfect Fit Condoms aren't custom-sized condoms, per se, but with 10 lengths, 9 widths, and 60 total sizes available, taking 15 seconds to line up your ruler like so...

Hublot Big Bang MP-11 Red Magic Watch

$86k Hublot »

From theory to practice. The new Big Bang MP-11 Red Magic Watch from Hublot is about to blow up in a limited edition of 100 pieces for all you mega rich kids out there who prefer horology to cosmology. With its fiery...

After Sex Towel

$9.99 Amazon »

This after sex towel considers itself "unique and clever" for taking a plain white terry cloth towel and embroidering the word "Sperm" across it. (Or, if you prefer a little more slang and vulgarity in your terminology...

Mohair Pants

$184.80 - $375.38 Etsy »

Need some mo' hair down there? Feel all warm 'n' fuzzy on the inside and the out with SuperTanya's hand-knit mohair pants. The mohair knitwear is funky-chic on the eyes and either: a) soft as a pussywillow; or b) itchy...

Daisy Collingridge Squishy Human Flesh Costumes

Daisy Collingridge's squishy human flesh costumes Sure. Are. Something. A whimsical wonder to behold. And most definitely a new - and, honestly, equally delightful - way for me to think of the term bouncy, bouncy...

Softies Ultra Soft Snuggle Lounger

Discontinued

Is it the Softies Snuggle Lounger that makes me want to cuddle up and bury my hands and face in that seat of buttery velvet, or is it the girl in the Softies Snuggle Lounger? It's both, dudes. It is absolutely both. And...

The Lollipop Wipe - Chocolate-Flavored Crotch Cleaner

Discontinued

It tastes like dark chocolate and it's latex-compatible, ladies and gentlemen. Lollipop Wipes are individually wrapped pieces of black rayon paper infused with an edible - and dark-chocolate-flavored! - water-based cream...

SZQHT Wide Jaw Nail Clippers

$9.97 - $12.72 Amazon »

Ready for a little DIY, at-home snip, snip? This time for your fingernails and toenails, rather than your vas deferens*. SZQHT levels up your cheap and crusty nail clippers with their line of ergonomic, wide jaw trimmers...

CVS Receipt Scarf

$24.95 Amazon »

Thanks for shopping at CVS! Here's your 6'-long receipt for the pack of condoms you bought for you 6"-long penis. Yep, our receipts are long and strong, here to make you feel inadequate and environmentally unfriendly...

Bob Ross Bandages

Sold Out Amazon »

Of all the pieces of Bob Ross merch out there, Bob Ross Bandages are one of the few that actually make sense. They're right up there with the Bob Ross Chia Pet because, as the boo-boo covers state with pride: in injuries...

Uberlube Luxury Lubricant

$20 Amazon »

Since the self-driving car and going public things haven't worked out so well for Uber, they've decided to diversify with a foray into the personal lubricant business. Uberlube, a luxury lubricant for discerning "ridesharers,"...

Valentine's Day Surprise Scratch-Off Card

$5 Etsy »

This Valentine's Day Surprise scratch-off card gives me pause. Normally I consider receiving a greeting card the equivalent of receiving a fancy piece of trash, since that's where it's going to end up a day or two later...

Smell Proof Bag with Combination Lock

$17.99 Amazon »

OZCHIN's smell proof bag with combination lock will keep sticky fingers and bloodhound noses away from your stash of stinky weed. The unassuming zippered storage case is an 8.5" x 5.5" x 4.5" block that opens to reveal...

UFO Raincoat

$4.19 - $14.97 Amazon »

Bow down to the grandma rockin' the UFO Raincoat. What an honor it must be to have been selected to model this hot piece of haute couture. And the designer of the inclement-weather-thwarting flying saucer! Please tell...

Musch Musch Designs - Your Privates on a Pendant (NSFW)

$67 - $80 Musch Musch »

And if you're not into your privates on a pendant, Musch Musch will also hand make (hand job?) photos of your very own penis, vagina, boobies, or butthole into a bracelet, a mug, or, for the ultimate dick pic, a 3D piece...

Nubrella Wearable Hands-Free Umbrella

Sold Out Amazon »

I don't know why my first instinct...and second and third...is to make fun of the Nubrella. A wearable hands-free umbrella that mounts to your back, shielding you from rain and shading you from sun, no gripping, positioning...

Garmin Fenix 6 Sapphire Multisport GPS Watch

$730.95 - $999.99 Amazon »

The Garmin Fenix 6 Sapphire Multisport GPS Watch is an expensive commitment to being a badass. Top of the line in build and features, the Fenix 6 Sapphire edition brings some of the following to your outdoor and fitness...

VindKan Penis Enlargement Underwear

$22.99 Amazon »

Happy New Year from your penis, the little pants snake that thinks VindKan Penis Enlargement Underwear might help him show up to 2020's ssssex ssssessions a little less perky garter and a little more long, lashing anaconda...

Men's Half Thong (NSFW)

$3.99 Amazon »

Never mind all the male bush and taint action going on in these Men's Half Thong photos, what I really want to know is: how the half thong does a dude wear a half thong? How does it stay on? Is there an adhesive involved?...