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Cuchini Camel Toe Pad

$29.95 Amazon »

I know no dude wants a camel toe pad. At least...not for himself. But maybe he's looking for a thoughtful gift for his girlfriend, who's especially well endowed in the vulvar and, uh, front mound areas of her crotchal...

CHIIZ Hands-Free Sonic-Powered Toothbrush

The CHIIZ hands-free sonic-powered toothbrush, just like your mama, wants to know if you really brush your teeth for the requisite 2 minutes, twice a day? According to the recommended "Bass Brushing" technique of tiny...

The Original Pussycat Patch Crotch Wigs (NSFW)

$39.95 - $95.95 Merkin Store »

Did you know crotch wigs have an official name besides "crotch wigs?" According to crotch wig maker The Original Pussycat Patch, they're called "merkins." Merkins! It sounds like a new breed of little creatures created...

G.I. Joe Cologne

Sold Out Amazon »

I never considered what a G.I. Joe might smell like. I mean a real G.I. Joe. I know exactly what the G.I. Joes I played with as a kid smelled like: plastic and PB&J. And whatever else was on my hands when I touched them...

Duke Cannon Cold Ass Beer Shower Sack Gift Set

Discontinued

Duke Cannon has put together a fine gift for Dad - or any man who's into beer and hygiene - with their Cold Ass Beer Shower Sack. A limited edition compilation, the 6-strong set of grooming goods kicks off its rugged...

CUEME App-Controlled Vibrating Massage Bra

Discontinued

The CUEME Massage Bra is a smart supporter of boobies whose companion app allows wearers - or wearers' designated representatives - to control 4 vibration massage modes over "8 major massage pressure points" on the female...

Lace Up Jeans

$49.99 Fashion Nova »

As much as I want to sit back and enjoy these hot ass Wild Thang Lace Up Jeans from Fashion Nova, I cannot keep my mind from bending at funny angles every time I look at them*. Is this an optical illusion? What happened...

Revolver Ring

$3,900 Etsy »

I wonder if Outshine Designs got the idea for their Revolver Ring from Looney Tunes or one of those superhero movies where some poor sap tries to point a gun at the wrong Super Strong Man, and he takes it and bends it...

You're Too Close Baseball Hat

$21.99 Amazon »

Did a Redditor make this "You're too close" baseball hat, or did someone else just figure out they could make enough to retire selling them to Redditors? Because if there were one piece of headwear I'd guess at least...

Death Star Engagement Ring

$450 - $1,200 Etsy »

Ah, an engagement ring symbolic of your move to the Dark Side. Married. The Death Star engagement ring from Alien Forms Jewelry is far from the first Star Wars jewelry we've seen, but I think using an evil, death-dealing...

Balega Blister Resist Socks

$8.97 - $18 Amazon »

Balega socks probably know avid runners and athletes don't let blisters, or the potential for rubbing one into existence, dissuade them from lacing up and taking off. But getting blisters is a pain. A persistent, burning...

Tattoo Tights

$18 - $33 Etsy »

I wonder if women who see these Tattoo Tights feel like I do when I see the Wonderffle Stuffed Waffle Iron. All hot and sweaty and in need of a change of pants...

Don't Panic Keychain Towel

$10.99 - $14.99 SN Pro Tips »

I was stoked when I found these Don't Panic thigh-high stockings for my fiancee to wear on our wedding day, but it's nothing compared to the joy I feel now having found SN Pro Tips' Don't Panic Keychain Towel for myself...

Lightsaber Willy Warmer

$36.98 Etsy »

This Lightsaber Willy Warmer might be the finest expression of Grandmas's yarn I ever saw. Not a bad tribute to Star Wars either, presuming you've mastered The Force well enough to wield this saber once it's fired up...

Foodie Bow Ties

$50.90 - $108.17 Etsy »

Bow ties made to look like food! I wouldn't call myself a foodie, but food is my favorite thing in the whole world (tied with my fiancee and my mama) and seeing a bowtie pasta bowtie - a piece of pasta bow tie-ified!...

Loop High Fidelity Donut Earplugs

Discontinued

Loop High Fidelity Earplugs make hearing protection functional and fashionable. Presuming you dig the look of a coupla donuts in your ears (no lobe stretching required!) The new twist on earplugs takes the standard Pac-Man-ghost-shaped...

Loker 8GB Voice Recorder Watch

Discontinued

Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't...have an audio recorder with 8GB of built-in memory. The Loker Voice Recorder Watch places the ability to record and store up to 101 hours of audio within constant reach. A subtle...

PF Flyers 25th Anniversary Sandlot Sneakers

It's been almost 2 years since PF Flyers released their Made in USA Sandlot Edition sneakers, so I'm due for a new pair. And, happily, the PF Flyers 25th Anniversary Sandlot sneaks are due to launch, in collaboration...

Victorinox I.N.O.X. Carbon Limited Edition

$995 Swiss Army »

Victorinox will sell just 1,200 pieces of its I.N.O.X. watch, a Carbon Limited Edition whose claim to Swiss Army fame is a case built from carbon "that's 50% lighter and five times more resistant than steel." In less...

Handmade Skull Shaving Brush

$130 Etsy »

One Skull Shaving Brush here to help you wipe that stubble...and that smile...and that skin and tissue right off your face. Handmade in Italy by Goth Chic Accessories, this wicked brush foams shaving cream and paints...

3D Unicorn Underwear

$45 Etsy »

I bet if Juvenile saw these 3D Unicorn Underwear from Knicker Rocker he would think twice before telling the ladies to back that azz up. The panties are quite the statement piece, combining dreamy, fantastical unicorns...

Ombraz Unbreakable, Armless Sunglasses

$140 - $160 Ombraz »

Though Ombraz sunglasses are pronounced Ohm-bruhs, don't let their inclusion of the sound bruh kill your interest in them. Because Ombraz actually do two very un-douchey things to sunglasses. One, they remove the snappabble...

Functional Paper Watches

Discontinued

A Paper Watch? What origami trickery is this?! No way can it be a fully functional digital timepiece. Or if it is, what's it good for, one wear? A few days if you take real good care of it like the paper wristbands your...

The Literal Translation of Country Names Map

You can't buy a print of The Literal Translation of Country Names Map...yet...but that's probably not such a big deal. Like The World According to Americans, this map is more of a way to get a few chuckles and take a...