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Dash Quickdraw Wallet

$13 - $19 Dash Wallets »

Credit card receptacles have gotten awfully fancy--from electronic signatures to electronic signatures with your fingertip to electronic signatures with your fingertip on an iPhone with a craaazy! credit card swiper bug...

Reversible Chewbacca Hoodie

Discontinued

It may not be the skin covering a Yoda head rejected from use in the original Star Wars, but at least Marc Ecko's reversible Chewbacca hoodie is a bodily covering that's a little easier to come by...

M16 Sunglasses

$490 Colette »

When I was in New Orleans a couple years ago, I saw this painted on the wall of a bar: "I Love Boys, Guns & Jesus." I imagine the girl who penned and crafted it wearing a pair of Jeremy Scott + Linda Farrow M16 Sunglasses...

Santa Beard Beanie

Ho, ho ho, yo. It's a kitschy hipster beanie hipster kitsched up a little more with the addition of a festive Santa Claus red knit hat and white beard. I've seen quite a few of these making the Web rounds this season...

iPood Baby Onesie

Discontinued

iPood. The onesie that states the obvious, perpetual reality for chilluns between the ages of 6 and 18 months old. And instead of a button for blasting its volume, the iPood comes with a button that aids kiddos in blasting...

Dice Rings

$19.99 CritSuccess »

I'm from the Price Is Right generation. We like to roll the dice and spin the wheel. Also, I'm kind of into pretending I'm a 6'7" impenetrable warlord with webbed toes that assist me in making skilled water escapes. Also...

Volt Heated Clothing & Gear

$119.95 - $219.95 Volt Resistance »

GIVEAWAY ALERT! The very cool electro-cats at Volt Resistance battery heated clothing are giving away the winner's choice of any product from their online store to one lucky Dude loyalist. Read on to learn why you really...

Yay Cleavage T-Shirt

Discontinued

I tried to crop out the part of the Yay Cleavage T-Shirt photo that shows the boobily blessed lady wearing it is pregnant, but I think you can still kind of tell. Sorry. I guess the V-neck may technically be intended...

Lace Skull & Crossbones Pants

Discontinued

Plea to All Women: I implore you to buy these pants. And wear them in my presence. White, lace, skulls. They're the trifecta of my fantasies. Throw in flowing, partially see-through, and looking to be very soft, and I...

The Most Accurate Watch in the World

$199.99 Watchismo »

While seemingly morbid and in poor taste at first glance, The Accurate--a Mr. Jones Watch--intends to serve as a reminder of our fleeting seconds, minutes, and hours on earth. Its dial and rim are even mirrored so that...

Harvard Law...Just Kidding Sweatshirt

$34.99 - $37.99 Amazon »

I've been looking for the perfect Christmas gift to give my crestfallen cousin, who just received his rejection letter from Harvard Law. I hate my cousin. He's an insolent little twat. I was going to anonymously send...

Washing Machine Suitcase

$152 PrezzyBox »

At first I thought this was an actual washing machine/suitcase combo. Like for moms to tote around and use to instantly remove the spit-up and dirt and, in my case, Bloody Marys, from their kids' perpetually soiled clothes...

World's Tackiest Sweaters

Flagrant foul. No words can describe these hideously tacky sweaters. Well, that's not quite true. These words can describe them: Skittles; cheeseburger; condoms; french fries; gummy worms; popcorn; palm trees; wafts of...

Titanium & Jack Daniels Barrel Ring

$245 - $345 Etsy »

I guess I've been in a serious relationship with Jack Daniels for long enough now that I'm willing to don his ring and announce it to the world. Especially a ring as slick as this one. Check out the genuine used JD white...

Electric Hoodies

Discontinued

Hammer, your time is over. Your replacement: electroluminescent rope. Henceforth, when I want cessation of all movement for the announcement of a thematic activity in which all are expected to participate, I'll be shouting...

Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper

Discontinued

It's never too early to indoctrinate your kids into the world of role-playing. Even casual RPG enthusiasts will get a kick out of J!NX's Level 1 Human Baby Creeper Romper for the 2 to 3 weeks it actually fits their ludicrous-speed-growing...

Christmas Vacation Cousin Eddie Hat

Sold Out Amazon »

What can I say, the shitter was full. Fans of A Christmas Story and the craptastic It's a Wonderful Life may flog me, but I stand by the following statement: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is the best holiday movie...

Crocheted Knight Helmet

$19.99 - $26 Amazon »

Medieval knight helmets. That's what hip nanas who know what it means to give their grandsons street cred crochet. Now I don't know if Dee Forrest is a grandma, but she's definitely privy to what the cool kids these days...

Baby Thug Onesie

Sold Out Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

Animal Hoodies

$9.82 - $23.95 Amazon »

Ladies, if Griz Coats are too big, too masculine, or too covering of the neck down for you (read: for me), how about one of these minxy little animal hoodies? Most of them even extend along the shoulders into a cozy pair...

Flip n'Grip Wallet

Discontinued

Dudes, I think the Flip n'Grip Wallet is cool to the power of Paul Revere riding a Tron Light Cycle, and I'm willing to bet that you too are cool to the power of Paul Revere riding a Tron Light Cycle, so don't just rely...

Pipe Tobacco Shaving Soap

Sold Out Etsy »

Smelling like pipe smoke? Disgusting. Smelling like pipe tobacco? Distinguished. Like your grandfather. Or Don Draper. Pipe Tobacco Shaving Soap infuses faces with a mellow, woodsy scent that most ladies, and probably...

Griz Coat

$249 - $299 Griz Coat »

I just named a bear one of my Top 10 choices for animal reincarnation, and now, as if in answer to my plea to the forces of nature, the Griz Coat is back. In time for winter. In time for the holidays. In time for looking...

Rain Shield

A 2012 red dot award winner for design concept, Lin Min-Wei and Liu Li-Hsiang's Rain Shield could make carrying an umbrella 1) somewhat stylish and 2) more than an exercise in futility. Its shield-like construction uses...