Narwhal USB Heated Slippers

Incoming! And this time, in addition to unleashing artillery, they're also unleashing the ripe, fishy odors of feet that have been sweating underneath an 8" thickness of woolen yarn! Tank Slippers, should you be up for...

Not that it's not incredibly sexy when you caress the lady with whom you're entwined on the couch with a ripe and sweaty foot that makes her gag and recoil, or an ice block of a set of toes that makes her yelp and shoot...

When I say "The 17 Best Gifts to Warm You Up & Keep You Warm," I guess what I really mean is "The 17 Best Gifts to Warm Her Up & Keep Her Warm." At least that's the case in my household. Be it my wife, She-Ra: Princess...

Perfect. I've been looking for some giant robot feet to go with my giant robot arms. And these are slippers? With Vrrrrrr-clank! Vrrrrrr-clank! sound effects? Did I say perfect? I meant better than perfect. I meant, like...

Teva's Ember Moc slippers might have Dad Joke written all over them, but I don't care. I want some. Teva says they're like sleeping bags for your feet. Who can resist sleeping bags for your feet?! Not me...

Good news, pescatarians! They've finally started making slippers out of fish - check out these largemouth bass slippers! - so you'll have something to wear while everyone else dons their bunnies, piggies, chickies, and...

I have to go pee. It's 4am. After resisting the elbow nudges from my bladder for 30 minutes, I relent. I stumble toward the bathroom with hands out for blockers. Turning the lights on isn't an option. I pee on the floor...

Actually, what I should say about this wild footwear is that the roundup contains 9 fun and funky animal shoes, and one pair of spooky and possibly sadistic animal boots. Scroll on down to number 10 to see what I mean...

Total comfort and relaxation without looking like a hobbit. This is the objective of TI:ME slippers. Though I would contend that the Kickstarter project's soft-soled, plush-lined, yoga-matted, walking-on-Air Jordans go...

Slide your feet into the Super Mario Bros. Piranha Plant Slippers, and enjoy plush comfort, 80s gaming nostalgia, and some serious pop culture drip. And the cost? Only...your life...

Holy crap, it's fantastical beast overload! It almost hurts to look at it, it's so stirring and extraordinary. And, according to the unicornarwhal sculpture's creators, it also explains a lot. How can a whale with a ginormous...

It's not just that Bread Slippers exist, it's that Bread Slippers exist in so many styles of toasty foot loaves! French baguette, country white, marble rye, sesame seed, multi-seed, hot dog bun...my blood sugar is spiking...