Shoes

Massage Bubble Slides

Sold Out Amazon »

I like the sound of Massage Bubble Slides. But, come on, these are clearly Epcot Center Clogs. And the brown versions of the EVA foam footwear are Ballpark Peanut Sandals. And the pink ones? Lychee Slippers...

Lobster Sandals

Sold Out Amazon »

Oooh, lobster sandals to match my sunburn, and everyone's favorite thing to say when I get a sunburn: "Dude's red as a lobster."...

Flat Socks

$10 Amazon »

Uh, they look pretty much like insoles to me, but OK, Flat Socks. They're flat socks if you say so. Some other things Flat Socks says about their "socks" worn by your shoe rather than your foot is that they're "No slip...

OOFOS OOriginal Sport Sandal

$67.95 Amazon »

Near as I can tell, OOFOS OOriginal Sport Sandals are orthopedic flip-flops for people who don't want to look like they're wearing orthopedic flip-flops. So, yeah. Definitely out as a gift for Dad this Father's Day, since...

Eames x Reebok Classic Leather Shoes

$120 Reebok »

Anyone gonna talk about the elephants in the room? More specifically, the elephants on your feet? The Eames Elephant is just one style of Reebok's forthcoming Classic Leather Shoe collaboration with the iconic design...

Shark Pool, Beach & Shower Sandals

$8 - $18.99 Amazon »

Shark Week may delight you only one week a year, but these versatile Shark Pool, Beach & Shower Sandals will bring joy throughout all 52 of them. Wear the unisex sandals to the beach or pool during the summer months...

Nike ISPA Link Modular Sneakers

Coming June 2022 to a Swoosh store near you: Nike ISPA Links. Fly modular sneakers with 3 interlocking pieces that connect without glue. And when I say "fly," I don't mean fly-ass. I mean fly-eye. As in, what the soles...

GUDO Footprint Flip-Flops

$39 - $49 GUDO »

When I say GUDO's flip-flops have footprints embossed in their soles, what I really mean is the summer sandals will leave behind marks in the sand that look like a human mated with, like, a palm tree. Or maybe a nice...

The Mullet Shoe

$64 Volley »

Sneaker in the front, party in the back! The Mullet Shoe is a high-top with a striking, and silky smooth, set of light brown locks cascading down the back of its upper. It's a mullet...for a shoe...ready to swish all...

The Cryptide 3D Printed Sneaker

Five-finger shoes meet...um...a stone man's toenails and some truck tire treads?...in The Cryptide, a 3D printed sneaker created by German designer and architect Stephan Henrich, in collaboration with Swiss 3D printer...

Artemis Design Co. Kilim Turkish Rug Loafers

$268 - $288 Artemis Design Co. »

No doubt Artemis Design Co.'s Kilim Turkish Rug Loafers are breathtaking. ... I'm just trying to figure out if I mean that in a good way or a bad way...

Teva Men's ReEmber Mid Moccasin

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RemEmber Teva's Ember Moc slipper-style indoor / outdoor shoes? Well, Teva decided to ReEmber the Moc this season, and has even added some variety, and a few inches to the line in the ReEmber Mid Moccasin. These men's...

Boot Bananas Shoe Deodorizers

$20 Amazon »

The stench of well-worn, oft-sweated-in shoes is frikkin' bananas, yet the smell itself is nothing like actual bananas. And for that matter, Boot Bananas don't smell like bananas either, they're just banana-looking deodorizers...

SUBU Indoor/Outdoor Slippers

$60 Amazon »

Yeah. SUBU Indoor / Outdoor Slippers are indoor / outdoor slippers until the first time you wear them outdoors on the snowy, wet, muddy, dead-leaf-and-grass-strewn surfaces of winter. Then they become, exclusively, SUBU...

Japanese Linen Slippers

$23.11 Etsy »

"Japanese Linen Slippers" could mean anything from square-toed sandals with a thong strap to shoes shaped like squished-flat cats and covered in fish scales and Shiba Inu fur. These particular Japanese Linen Slippers...

Hot Chocolate Design Pegasus Pumps

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Hot Chocolate Design names their winged, golden Mary Jane-style pumps "Pegasus," and, ladies, I can certainly see the appeal of going to your New Year's Eve party dressed as a mythical horse. But Pegasus doesn't have...

ABUSA Lambswool Insoles

$12.99 - $14.99 Amazon »

These ABUSA Lambswool Insoles for shoes, boots, and slippers provide no arch support, but Baaaaaa! Who needs arch support this winter when your feet are luxuriating in thick and cozy natural fleece?...

Swarovski x Nike Air Force 1 Sneakers

$450 Nike »

Ladies, you might consider the Swarovski x Nike Air Force 1 Sneaker collaboration high fashion. The pinnacle of luxury in athletic footwear. Or you might consider their chaotic weave of rubber mesh panels embedded with...

GREATS Foster Closed Back Slipper

$119 GREATS »

GREATS has upgraded their Foster Slipper with a new closed-back version, presumably to compete with the likes of New Balance's CRVN MOCs and, my personal favorite ugly footwear that is so comfortable and versatile I'm...

Razer Sneki Snek Slippers

$49.99 Razer »

Fans of Razer's Sneki Snek will ssssscream for the tech brand's new Sneki Snek Slippers. So too might non-gamers who just really like snakes, or even evil ducks, since that's what the slippers iteration of Sneki Snek...

Speedland SL:PDX Trail Running Shoes

$375 Speedland »

I don't know if Speedland's SL:PDX trail running shoes will up your trail running game, but the Portland brand's high-performance, modifiable footwear will certainly up your mint green fashion game...

Reef Spackler Golf Sandal

Not sure about the flip-flops part, but Reef's Spackler Golf Sandals aren't wrong in suggesting golf and beer go well together. A (very) limited edition release from the brand, the Spackler Golf Sandal builds on Reef's...

Adidas 4DFWD Sneakers

$200 Adidas »

3D printed with a 4D midsole. That's the honeycombed core of these new Adidas 4DFWD Sneakers' story. Made for running, Adidas says the 4DFWD design "redirects energy forward, making your gait feel more like a glide."...

Crocs x BEAMS Bespoke Classic All Terrain Clog

$80 BEAMS »

Welcome to the shoepocalypse. Crocs has teamed up with Japanese fashion brand BEAMS - again, apparently - to bring you, me, and the whole ugly-plastic-shoe-loving world the Crocs x BEAMS Bespoke Classic All Terrain Clog...