The Best Halloween Candy for Adults

Posted: October 03, 2019

I compiled a list of the best Halloween candy for adults because I figured some of you, like me, would want something more than just sugar-dipped sugar with a gooey sugar center to pair with your candy corn Jell-O shots and bloody eyeball martinis. For example: sugar-dipped sugar with a gooey sugar center flavored like matcha green tea; sugar-dipped sugar with a gooey sugar center infused with collagen; and sugar-dipped sugar with a gooey sugar center shaped like a penis.

Yeah, at it's heart it's all still sugary candy, willing and able to make you feel extra fat and pukey the next day, but it's fancy. Only adults will appreciate it, and in a many cases, adults are the only people it's suitable for.

Check out my list of the best Halloween candy for adults.

GO CUBES Chewable Coffee Gummies

Pop a coupla these and maybe you'll stay bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the trick-or-treaters this year. Or at least not fall asleep when there's a 5-minute lag between them. Chewable coffee gummies are also great for Halloween parties that go past 10 p.m., and jobs that start before noon and go past 2.

GO CUBES pack about 4 ounces of coffee into each 1" x 1" x 1" gummy. They are made with real cold-brew coffee in flavors Latte, Pure Drip, and Mocha.

$39 for 20 Pack of 4 Cubes ➠ Amazon

Collagen Beauty Balls

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful...and get that way by popping Choco Cherry and Coconut Cranberry bon bons.

I seriously doubt Collagen Beauty Balls work, but admittedly, I haven't tried them. Once I found out they're intended to beautify your skin, hair, and nails, not your balls as their name suggests, I lost interest.

$26.99 for a 12-Pack ➠ Amazon

Edible Anus Chocolates

I mean, I didn't necessarily say it was the best Halloween candy for adults according to the adults who would be eating it, did I? But for the giver of sweet treats, nothing beats an edible anus.

Obviously Edible Anus Chocolates are intended for adults only. With that in mind, I think it would be a great idea to hand them out to the parents who bring their kids around trick-or-treating. You know, as a sign of appreciation, a brown star for their efforts!

$8.49 ➠ Amazon

Japanese Kit Kat Bars

Not that kiddos won't be drawn to the rainbow of colors painting Japanese Kit Kat Bars any less that adults, and with flavors like Matcha Green Tea, Wasabi Chocolate, and Azuki Bean, I'd give either demographic a 50/50 chance of eating and enjoying them.

But look at the wrappers. They're so bright and elegant, with actual artwork on them and, of course, nifty Japanese writing. Compared to America's BOOM! orange and...that's about it, Japan's Kit Kat Bars will at the very least bring a chic and very adult aesthetic to your Halloween candy bowls.

Prices Vary ➠ Amazon

CBD Gummies

Medix CBD Gummies are infused with CBD oil, today's trendiest home remedy for for everything from pain and inflammation to sleep problems to depression and drug / nicotine withdrawal symptoms. Obviously, these indications haven't been endorsed by the FDA, but there is still plenty enough anecdotal evidence out there to give the CBD industry the boon it needs to boom.

And if the magical hemp extract works for you, imagine how good you'll feel poppin' a handful of CBD Sour Snakes on Halloween night, chillin' like a villain* while everyone else screams their face off in the haunted house.

*Dude, don't worry, CBD is legal in all 50 states. You'll be a villain only if you go dressed as The Joker or Littlefinger.

$16.99 to $49.99 ➠ Medix CBD

10-Pound Toblerone Bar

If Junior can't lift it by himself, he can't have it. And even if he can, too bad. It's yours. You bought it. All $300+ of it.

Holy crap, did you just spend over $300 on a Toblerone Bar? Dude. Good luck explaining that one to your wife.

And your GI tract.

$321.49 ➠ Amazon

Brown Sugar Bacon Jerky

I know bacon isn't really as popular as it once was, but this Halloween, it can surely be as popular once as it ever was when you set out a mason jar full of Bacon Mamma Jamma's Brown Sugar Bacon Candy.

Well, technically "Jerky," and probably more aptly titled, "Crack."

$7.99 ➠ Amazon

Beer Lollipops

You already suck down IPAs, lagers, and stouts, so why not shake things up this Halloween and suck on them.

OK, you can keep drinking the beer too.

Lollyphile's Beer Lollipops have the hops you crave in the hard candy you...never really associated in any way with the hops you crave. In fact, what are the chances these are even any good? Might want to test them out on the kids first.

$12 ➠ Lollyphile

Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge

When Dad says Trick-or-treat! no response is better than a mini chocolate bar laced with a pepper hotter than the Carolina Reaper. The Cocoa Loco Choco Challenge from Fuego Box, in the spirit of Paqui's Carolina Reaper Madness Chip, dares ye brave chili worshippers, or ye dudes with palates already dead from a DIY Hot Sauce Challenge, to have a go at the Black Reaper pepper they've laced into the world's spiciest chocolate bar.

$19.95 ➠ Fuego Box

Eat a D**k - Anonymously Mail a Chocolate Penis

Talk about a Halloween treat! This chocolate dick is here to do double duty: before you chow down on it, you can use it as part of your dismembered body part decor.

Or, to really get into the spirit of the trickster season, send it anonymously to a fellow adult you feel deserves to decorate with a dick, and then eat a dick even more than you do this year.

$23.99 ➠ DicksByMail.com

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