Jurassic Park Dr. Ian Malcolm Statue
After I saw Jurassic Park as a kid, I thought Dr. Ian Malcolm, and by proxy Jeff Goldblum, was The Man. Then I saw him on Hot Ones last season, eating vegan chicken wings and talking about how his voice doctor said he really shouldn't be ingesting spicy food or some malarkey, and I was like, "This dude is a Hollywood Princess." But. I still like what Sideshow Collectibles has done here with their Dr. Ian Malcolm statue.
Oh you remember this scene. Even the non-ladies amongst you. Malcolm goes from attacked by a T-Rex to recovering like Burt Reynolds on a bearskin rug in 2 scenes flat.
Already preserved for posterity as a meme, Sideshow is now giving Malcolm / Goldblum fans the opportunity to preserve the scene in 3D, as a 1:4 scale limited edition statue. And like all of their creations, Ian Malcolm is detailed down to the specks of blood on his (strapping!) chest and (tellingly large!) hands.
At printing the Ian Malcolm statue was available for pre-order. It is an officially licensed piece of Jurassic Park merchandise.
Muchas danke to The Awesomer.
/jurassic-world-air-blown-32685.jpg?mode=crop "Jurassic World Air-Blown Dinosaur Costumes")
Jurassic World Air-Blown Dinosaur Costumes
Forget Halloween, these Jurassic World air-blown dinosaur costumes are #1 on my summer shopping list. T-Rex for the Jurassic World 2 release. Triceratops for San Diego Comic-Con. Blue the Velociraptor to surprise my fiancee...
/jurassic-world-dinosaur-32433.jpg?mode=crop "Jurassic World Dinosaur Detection System")
Jurassic World Dinosaur Detection System
I'm not sure how it's taken this long to add a Dinosaur Detection System to the home safety product sphere, but muchas danke to ThinkGeek for realizing how dangerous and prehistoric its absence was. Their model is modeled...
/dinosaur-arm-puppets-38852.jpg?mode=crop "Dinosaur Arm Puppets")
Dinosaur Arm Puppets
I'd be cautious about buying one of these dinosaur arm puppets for two reasons. One, it will probably eat you. And two, I'm not sure how reliable the seller, who was pretty new to Etsy and had no reviews at printing...
/dinosaur-foot-waste-basket-56383.jpg?mode=crop "Dinosaur Foot Waste Basket")
Dinosaur Foot Waste Basket
So, the dinosaur foot of this Dinosaur Foot Waste Basket from Regal Robot is huge. Maybe even life-size, depending on which dinosaur they've taxidermied to make the trash can. But the actual garbage container, the liner...
/t-rex-foam-dart-gun-51058.jpg?mode=crop "T-Rex Foam Dart Gun")
T-Rex Foam Dart Gun
Usually T-Rex is all about shoving things into his mouth, but here in T-Rex Foam Dart Gun form he takes a turn at spewing them out. His resultant destruction and turmoil remain the same. Nice shot, T-Rex! You hit my mama's...
/instant-noodle-lid-stopper-35834.jpg?mode=crop "Sexy Instant Noodle Lid Stopper Figurines")
Sexy Instant Noodle Lid Stopper Figurines
Just when you thought your Cup Noodles and microwave Ramen couldn't get any sexier, the geniuses at the Japanese brand FuRyu went and made this series of instant noodle lid stopper figurines. The ladies range in appearance...
/death-by-toys-parody-playsets-57172.jpg?mode=crop "Death By Toys Parody Playsets")
Death By Toys Parody Playsets
Death By Toys Parody Playsets are here to slay your White Elephant and Dirty Santa parties this year thanks to one dude, and one dude alone. Dan Polydoris calls himself a "one-man action figure boutique," and from conception...
Life-Size Iron Man Statue
Outstanding. Not just that it's a life-size Mark 42 statue from Iron Man 3, but that whomever forged it deemed "life-size" to mean "Robert Downey Jr.-size", which is actually more like garden gnome-size. Good thing Iron...
Your Face Superhero Action Figure
I see your face on a wedding cake topper, and raise you your face on a Joker action figure. Have people always complimented your Batman-esque jawline? Admired your Superman benevolence? Bowed to your biting Joker wit?...
Action Figure Lamps
Instead of outgrowing your superhero, fairytale, and cartoon character childhood toys, let them mature with you. Preserve their magnificence, and thwart being labeled a creepy action figure nerd, with Evil Robot Designs'...
/pulp-fiction-explicit-talking-20327.jpg?mode=crop "Pulp Fiction Explicit Talking Action Figures")
Pulp Fiction Explicit Talking Action Figures
I bet I know what's been missing from your Christmas mornings: profanity. Lots and lots of profanity. And also Quentin Tarantino (which might explain the lack of profanity). Well guess what, dudes, thanks to toymaker...
Star Wars Kama Sutra
SN Herder has thought a lot about the Force awakening. So much that his mind went...there. First the gutter, and then the toy bin. Herder says he made The Extremely Unofficial and Highly Unauthorized Star Wars Kama Sutra...