Things That Can Kill You Wall Calendar
- 2022 Demotivation Wall Calendar - $13.99
- 2022 Chill the F*ck Out Wall Calendar - $11.48
- Nature's D'ck Pics Wall Calendar - $19.99
- Chunky Animals Wall Calendar - $14.99
- Outhouses 2022 Hangable Wall Calendar - $13.99
The Things That Can Kill You Wall Calendar doesn't want to ruin the surprise. Aside from the coconut on its front cover - a well-known death-dealer to many of us - the 2022 date tracker doesn't provide a single reveal of the ooky, spooky, kooky things its months have cooked up to kill you, as you proudly display them on your wall. My best guesses?
- Romaine lettuce.
- 2 gallons of water.
- Your father-in-law's breath.
- A lil' spiky virus.
- Dryer lint.
- Vending machines.
- Brain worms.
- Cheating on your partner.
- If you have a vagina, blowing air in it.
- Too much nutmeg.
- Gamma ray bursts.
DudeIWantThat.com is reader-supported. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more.
/christmas-vacation-advent-46577.jpg?mode=crop "Christmas Vacation Advent House Calendar")
Christmas Vacation Advent House Calendar
Count down to Christmas with the Griswolds. The Christmas Vacation Advent House Calendar is a miniature replica of the one featured in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, complete with backlighting to illuminate the...
Year of the Dead Zombie Lingerie Calendar
On the one hand, we don't really need 2013 calendars since we're probably not going to live to see 2013, but on the other hand, the Year of the Dead calendar brims with extremely hot and voluptuous zombie ladies in lingerie...
The Dragon Sex Calendar
I can't believe it! Just yesterday I was thinking about cartoon sex--albeit between people, not dragons--and today I find a whole calendar of cartoon sex stills! And you know what: I think the thinking thinks even better...
Gin & Whisky Advent Calendars
Do you see what it says on one of the drams in the Gin Advent Calendar?! Professor Cornelius! Professor Cornelius Impleforth! I can't stop laughing! Partly due to the thought of my friend Cornelius being a professor...
/how-to-talk-to-small-people-57811.jpg?mode=crop "How To Talk to Small People Calendar")
How To Talk to Small People Calendar
I get that the How To Talk to Small People Calendar is a joke, but...I don't think I quite get the joke. Is this 12-month demonstration of squatting down, hoisting up, holding sideways, hanging upside down, and harnessing...
Whisky Advent Calendar
The holidays. A season of (incredibly long and growing longer) buildup. Of personal reflection. Of getting comprehensively sloshed and drowning the sorrows generated by such a long flippin' buildup and the unhappy outcome...
Chrono-Shredder Calendar and Clock
Chrono-Shredder is a clock, a calendar, a reminder that those who sit at home and simply watch time go by have lives filled with nothing but growing piles of shit on the floor. Poetic, no? Susanna Hertrich combines machine...
/cat-balls-calendar-57137.jpg?mode=crop "Cat Balls Calendar")
Cat Balls Calendar
Now here are some furry friends for you. And all your friends. The Cat Balls Calendar may be the premiere White Elephant and Dirty Santa gift for this holiday season. May be - we're only mid-November, dudes, so I'm just...
/the-best-advent-calendars-35586.jpg?mode=crop "The Best Advent Calendars")
The Best Advent Calendars
It's only begrudgingly that my compilation of the best Advent calendars includes any that aren't filled with chocolates. Because forget crap plastic toys and dumb erasers straight out of the gum ball machine! For me...
/systemsix-55906.jpg?mode=crop "SystemSix Retro-Macintosh-Style Desk Calendar & Display")
SystemSix Retro-Macintosh-Style Desk Calendar & Display
One reason not to get too excited about the SystemSix, a desktop piece that uses a retro Macintosh to display a calendar, the weather forecast, and the phase of the moon, is it doesn't use a real old-school Mac. The case...
/tiffany-co-advent-calendar-40836.jpg?mode=crop "Tiffany & Co. Advent Calendar")
Tiffany & Co. Advent Calendar
Your woman sure as shiny baubles won't be singin' out to Santa Baby this year if her Dude Baby gets her one of Tiffany & Co.'s Advent Calendars. Twenty-four days of diamonds and drop earrings, platinum and pendants, and...
/2019-dragon-sex-wall-calendar-35097.jpg?mode=crop "2019 Dragon Sex Wall Calendar")
2019 Dragon Sex Wall Calendar
It seems I've been neglectful in my dragon sex updates, missing 3 years' worth of Dragon Sex Wall Calendar releases! These pages haven't seen any good dragon sex since Kelsey Todd's 2015 edition of the hottest date tracker...