Household

Cryptex Security Boxes

$275 - $3k Cryptex »

Talk about usable art. Justin Nevins' Cryptex Security Boxes might be the most compelling pieces of Keep Your Mitts Off My Stuff I've seen all year. Tactical shelving and hidden doors included. The designer hand makes...

Denali 115-Piece Home Repair Tool Kit

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I feel like giving men tool kits as gifts is sort of like giving women exercise equipment: it's the ultimate passive aggressive way to take a dig. In this case, "Hey, do some chores," instead of, "Hey, lose some weight."...

Personal Radiation Detector

$23.99 Amazon »

The RADTriage Radiation Detector is a U.S. Military-grade personal dosimeter, which I need because the homeless guy outside my office is always warning me about how the government is secretly allowing high levels of radiation...

Damascus Dragon Gyuto Chef Knife

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I don't chop onions or slice cucumbers, I slay them with a 67-layer damascus dragon pattern! This Japanese stainless steel knife is super sharp and clad in everyone's favorite hip-yet-medieval-sounding steel: damascus...

KeySmart Compact Key Holder

$19.98 Amazon »

This Swiss Army tool will grant you access to Warren Buffett's safe deposit box, Chuck Norris' weapons stash, and Angelina Jolie's sex toy box. I mean, if you have the key and all. The KeySmart is a keychain designed...

Bondic Instant Liquid Plastic Adhesive

$12.49 Amazon »

The future of glue is...not a glue! That's Bondic's battle cry anyway. According to its creators, the world's first Liquid Plastic Welder works anywhere glue does, plus anywhere glue fails like a stoner playing Whac-A-Mole...

Santaur Ornament

Sold Out Amazon »

Looks like the reindeer are out of a job. Santaur can fly his own damn sleigh, what with this new quad of furry legs and a pile of Greek mythology backing him now. Also new to the Santa Claus table: guns and a 6-pack...

Holiday Gift Guide: For Ladies

Ladies. Why is it that I find it so difficult to shop for them, yet they seem to have no trouble at all shopping for themselves? Every time I try to buy the perfect gift for my mama or the girl at my local ice cream store...

Silhouette Sense-Enhancing Wine Glass

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Though the Silhouette wine glass appears to be designed to make the wine drinking process less difficult and embarrassing for people with inordinately large noses, its true benefits extend to proboscises of all sizes...

Dual Jet Bath Spa

Sold Out Amazon »

Soothe sore muscles, melt away tension, and (ladies) enjoy some alone time with red wine and powerful jets. Conair's Dual Jet Bath Spa fancifies any bathtub into an underwater den of relaxation and personal gratification...

Unicorn in a Narwhal Sculpture

$1,500 Kozyndan »

Holy crap, it's fantastical beast overload! It almost hurts to look at it, it's so stirring and extraordinary. And, according to the unicornarwhal sculpture's creators, it also explains a lot. How can a whale with a ginormous...

Bar10der Cocktail Multi-Tool

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Arm yourself for survival in the open bar. With a name as clever as its purpose, the Bar10der is a cocktail-slinging multi-tool for everyone from mixologists to party hosts who don't want to buy and keep track of 10 different...

InstantVeg Spiralizer

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Well I guess I better get my mama this InstantVeg Spiralizer for Christmas if I want her to keep making me curly shoestring french fries and zucchini spaghetti on my low-carb days (i.e., every 17th Sunday). See I got...

BrewTender Beer & Beverage Dispenser

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Cold as ice...and watered down as George Carlin doing standup at Sunday Mass. Not the best combination when you're serving and drinking beverages. The BrewTender is an 80-ounce drink dispenser sized for the tabletop and...

Han Solo in Carbonite Shower Curtain

$24.99 ThinkGeek »

Welp, depending on who's in the shower, Han Solo might not mind that he's now stuck in both Carbonite and a shower curtain. I mean, I'm sure he's gotten pretty sick of looking at naked Leia over the past 30 years, but...

DeLonghi Perfecto Indoor Grill

$79.95 Amazon »

Last winter I was all like, Mama, come on. It's only just below freezing. Get on out to the grill and make me...us...some BBQ ribs. But then a few days later she got pneumonia and I felt sort of bad. So this year I got...

Big Chop Wood Cutting Board & Stand

$128.34 - $179.70 Etsy »

On the chopping block is right. Even though Danny van Kessel's Big Chop wood cutting boards look pretty tasteful and finely crafted, I have no doubt they'd serve faithfully when you need to hack up a big hunk of meat...

Holiday Gift Guide: Christmas Cheer

Deck the halls with boughs of holly and deck my right hand with a few drams of single barrel Scotch from the Whisky Advent Calendar. Yeah, like I'll be able to spread that pot of peaty liquid gold over 24 whole days...

Mr. Knox Wooden Safe

Muahahaha, Mama! You'll never be able to steal my Bailey's Irish Cream again once I hide it within the impenetrable walls of the Mr. Knox wooden safe!...

Glass Darth Vader Cutting Board

$36 - $42 Etsy »

Look at Vader, all done up glassy and classy-like on a cutting board. Surrounds by...what are those things surrounding the Dark Lord of the Sith, etched doilies? Blades, he breathes to the X-Wing knife block, I am your...

SmartCharge Power Outage Light Bulbs

$7.99 Amazon »

Electricity is one of those things we don't typically give much thought to until we don't have it. Or until we get struck by lightning. And while SmartCharge LED light bulbs will not un-fry your brain from the latter...

Cooling Gel Memory Foam Pillow

Sold Out Amazon »

The comfort of not waking up unable to rotate your neck more than 5 degrees to the left meets the comfort of not waking up sweatier than a fat man doing hot yoga in a polyester leisure suit. Sleep Innovations' reversible...

UFO Soap Dispensers

Runner up to the Alien Abduction Lamp in the category of Best Application of 1950s Era Extra Terrestrials to Common Household Objects: UFO soap dispensers. Duncan Shotton's design plants a spaceship pump atop a neon yellow...

New Cult Comedy Movie Bundle

The key to turning your contemporary American comedy into a cult comedy classic: crusty day 3 stubble. And now you can relish all of your favorite razor-abhorring comedic actors of the 2000s ad infinitum with this Ultimate...