Household

Blobfish Plush

$14.99 ThinkGeek »

Snuggle up with God's ugliest creature. It's true. The blobfish wins all the Most Horrific Beast on the Planet contests, and as I've previously mentioned here, I think it might be my curse to be reincarnated as one. Legend...

Lil Sweetie Cast Iron Stove

Discontinued

The reduction of "Little" to "Lil" normally makes me cringe. It might be second only to shortening words with "y" or "ie", or adding the letters to the end of them. "Sammy" instead of "sandwich" is the worst offense...

Horse Head Pillow

$45 Kropserkel »

One-upping the severed horse head pillowcase: Kropserkel's severed Horse Head Pillow. It's morbid, yet surprisingly plush and comfortable, revenge in 3D! Send one to the vegetarian who always launches into a lecture about...

Hands-Free Magnetic Light

Discontinued

That Striker Hand Tools' hands-free Magnetic Light Mine looks like an Everlasting Gobstopper is just the cherry on top of this cherry-sized task light. For illumination in tight spaces during repairs, tinkering, and upgrades...

Abacus Chair

Discontinued

"Dare to adorn your suit with flowers and then laugh all summer!" I'm not sure what that piece of advice has to do with an abacus chair...or that listening to it won't get you beat up immediately...but it stands as Ieva...

Real Human Skull Art

$2,995 - $3,200 Zane Wylie »

When Zane Wylie was 5 his mom gave him a canister of Play-Doh and Zane Wylie ate it. When Zane Wylie was 8 his mom gave him a pack of colored pencils and a spiral sketch book and Zane Wylie traded the pencils for a couple...

Good Grips 3-in-1 Egg Separator

$7.99 Amazon »

I am the grandaddy master of the universe at separating eggs. If I do say so myself. I spent several hours learning how to perform this act of culinary prowess in 5th grade and...it's like riding a bike. I've never looked...

Buzzy Pain Blocker

Sold Out Amazon »

Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...

Snore Activated Nudging Pillow

This pillow saves the person sleeping next to you the trouble of "inadvertently" delivering an elbow to the ribs when you're snoring louder than a wounded bull. How? First it detects these disturbances of the peace with...

Blend and Cook Soup Maker

Sold Out Amazon »

The Dump & Punch. That's a better name than Blend and Cook for Cuisinart's soup-making blender. Because if their literature is to be trusted, all I'd need do to enjoy a vat of steaming cream of tomato is dump in some...

Meat Seasoning Sticks

Sold Out Amazon »

As all ladies who prefer older men know, nothing compares to well-seasoned meat. Particularly meat that has been infused with flavor from the inside. While rubs and marinades can slough off or lose their potency during...

Magnetic Spot Scrubber

$9.93 Amazon »

I don't know. Usually if I can't clean something because it's too narrow...or otherwise difficult to de-soil in any way whatsoever...I just throw it away and get a new one. Yeah right, you say? Well...yeah, you are right...

Victorian Star Wars Portraits

$499 Kult »

The Star Wars boys give a pretty decent representation of Victorian times, huh? Jabba the Hutt almost looks dapper. Or at least less like the massive wart my friend Cornelius grew on the inside of his arm when he went...

One-Egg Fry Pan

Sold Out Amazon »

It would be better if it were in the shape of the toast I'm going to pile it on, and I also doubt my ability to flip an egg within such tight confines without losing part of it to my burner, but I still appreciate the...

The Privacy Pillow

Sold Out Amazon »

Sure the Privacy Pillow can store your cash, jewelry, passports, and mint condition first edition Star Wars action figures. Orrrr it can store other types of valuables. Types of which you may find yourself in sudden and...

Couchmaid Table Top

$64.75 Amazon »

The only thing that could improve the experience of sinking my ass into a couch would be being able to set my sodie and plate of waffle fries down right next to me. Like, immediately adjacent to my sunken ass. This would...

Bathroom Mirror Defogger

Sold Out Amazon »

Fogged mirrors! I can't groom my facial hair or Dep Gel my head for, like, 8-1/2 minutes after emerging from the shower unless I stand there like an a-hole blowing my mama's hairdryer on it. Towels: do not work. Squeegees:...

Movies R Fun: Iconic Scenes as Children's Art

Discontinued

Josh Cooley's book Movies R Fun: A Collection of Cinematic Classics for the Pre-(Film) School Cinephile takes iconic and cult (mostly) R-rated movie scenes as inspiration for artwork styled after children's storybooks...

Pool Bedsheets

$71 Snurk »

Not much of a lake snoozer? How about sleeping in a swimming pool? Snurk's pool bedsheets add a second option to spending the night enveloped in a large body of water without drowning. Fun! Trippy! Still horrendously...

Raunchy Wrapping Paper (NSFW)

$6.19 - $7.69 Amazon »

Raunchy Wrap R-rated wrapping paper reminds me of something my lyrical hero Ludacris once said during his guest vocals on Usher's smash hit dance track "Yeah": "I want a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." This...

USU Parking Spot Storage Unit

$1,999 - $2,198 USU »

The Urban Storage Unit, or USU (pronounced "oooh-sue"), provides up to 1,000 pounds worth of additional storage for people with assigned parking spots in apartment and condominium complexes. Uh, high-end apartment and...

BottleLight

$15 SUCK UK »

BottleLights are USB-rechargeable LED bulbs that make glass bottles glow all moody and sensual. Basically they achieve the same It's time for sexy time effect as candles without the associated fire risks. Designed by...

Aqueduck Faucet Extender

Sold Out Amazon »

The Aqueduck. Is it a faucet extender for kids who can't quite reach the fixture, or a faucet extender for men like me who crack their teeth on the spigot each time they try to get a drink after taking a leak in the middle...

The Map of Zombies

What they lack in intelligence they make up for in contributions to the entertainment industry. Jason Thompson's Map of Zombies (complete, hi-res version here) traces and visually depicts by physical characteristics...