Offensive Pens Bundle Pack
Become the President of the PEN15 Club with an Offensive Pens Bundle Pack. Brought to you by the makers of Offensive Crayons, Offensive Pens come in Demotivational and Office Supplies themes, and rather than describing off-color colors you'll make art with, express unsentimental sentiments you'll either: A) think over and over in your head all day long; or B) have the Karen in your life whine out loud. Over and over. All day long.
I'm gonna beat my Karen, whose actual name is Aunt Jan, to the punch and give her her own set of Demotivational Pens this holiday season. And the second half of the bundle, the Offensive Office Supplies Pen Set, has "white elephant party" written all over it.
No, actually it has "That's not my job," "Per my last email," "This meeting could have been an email," "Oh, for fuck's sake," and "I'm starting to feel sick tomorrow" written all over it.
Demotivational Pens go with "You can be replaced," "It will probably get worse," "Failure is always an option," "You're going to fuck it up at some point," and "Dream big. Then settle."
The 10-strong Offensive Pen bundle of downers and workplace riler uppers is available here from the Offensive Crayons online store.
/the-game-of-nasty-things-46208.jpg?mode=crop "The Game of Nasty Things")
The Game of Nasty Things
The Game of Nasty Things outrages and offends in the spirit of Cards Against Humanity but, in my opinion, is a more creative - albeit more challenging - party game to play. Think of it as the difference between the Reverse...
/whalecum-mat-30299.jpg?mode=crop "Whalecum Mat")
Whalecum Mat
Whalecum, my friends. We have nothing but whalecum for you in this house. Spermy the Whale gives a gushing "Hello!" to all guests who cross the threshold in this delightful Whalecum Mat...
/the-disaster-novelist-the-10-31626.jpg?mode=crop "The Disaster Novelist: The 10 Worst Books Ever Written")
The Disaster Novelist: The 10 Worst Books Ever Written
No, smug smarty pants, I haven't read every book ever written, so I can't say with absolute authority that these are the 10 worst books ever written. But I, along with hundreds of your peers reviewing them on fine online...
/death-by-toys-parody-playsets-57172.jpg?mode=crop "Death By Toys Parody Playsets")
Death By Toys Parody Playsets
Death By Toys Parody Playsets are here to slay your White Elephant and Dirty Santa parties this year thanks to one dude, and one dude alone. Dan Polydoris calls himself a "one-man action figure boutique," and from conception...
/worlds-smallest-violin-53375.jpg?mode=crop "World's Smallest Violin")
World's Smallest Violin
This is the world's smallest violin, and I'm gonna play it just for you...whiners! So many whiners! At work. On the road. At the checkout line. In my inbox. And the biggest one of all: right there in my bathroom mirror...
/borrow-my-pen-subversive-pen-35416.jpg?mode=crop "Borrow My Pen Subversive Pen Set")
Borrow My Pen Subversive Pen Set
What's that? Can you borrow my pen? You too? You need one? And you? Well. I don't usually do this, but I'm feeling very Oprah today, so...here you go. You get a pen, and you get a pen, and you get a pen, and...oh, I know...
/nostalgia-with-a-twist-of-52740.jpg?mode=crop "Nostalgia with a Twist of Darkness T-Shirts")
Nostalgia with a Twist of Darkness T-Shirts
This line of Nostalgia with a Twist of Darkness T-Shirts comes from the dark and nostalgic mind of artist Steven Rhodes. I've included some of my favorites in the images above, but there are dozens more to choose from...
How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety
A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...
/uncle-bekahs-inappropriate-54019.jpg?mode=crop "Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats (NSFW)")
Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats (NSFW)
Cover up your bad hair, and score yourself some evil glares with Uncle Bekah's Inappropriate Trucker Hats. Mama may have told you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, but Uncle Bekah believes...
/shuh-duh-fuh-cup-unicorn-mug-39141.jpg?mode=crop "Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug")
Shuh Duh Fuh Cup Unicorn Mug
Who better to deliver the message than a unicorn? No, a-hole, it's not a mug, it's a Shuh Duh Fuh Cup! With a side of rainbows, stars, and two giant birds...
/adult-achievement-stickers-26450.jpg "Adult Achievement Stickers")
Adult Achievement Stickers
Children receive stickers for achievements such as pooping in the pot, getting straight A's, and coming in last (but participating!) Why shouldn't adults get some comparable adhesive words of affirmation when they done...
/worst-co-worker-ribbon-set-37474.jpg?mode=crop "Worst Co-Worker Ribbon Set")
Worst Co-Worker Ribbon Set
The sarcasm of Adult Achievement Stickers combine with my personal favorite BS award medium, ribbons, and head to the office with this Worst Co-Worker Ribbon Set from Etsy shop Boldfaced. As much fun as it might be to...