Sure F*ck Cologne & F*ck Me Perfume

Sure Fuck USA and the Sure Fuck Science Team have cooked up and calibrated a duo of scents - Sure Fuck Cologne and Fuck Me Perfume - for one express and guaranteed purpose: to get you f...ragrant. Sure Fuck Cologne and Fuck Me Perfume are your spray-on means to an end. Because if you want to take a spontaneous roll in the hay this weekend, you can't be leaving your house smelling like the damn hay.

Sure Fuck Cologne ($31.25 + free shipping) is a self-described "cool fresh manly scent that thrusts women into a crazy hot SEXUAL FRENZY!" Whoa. That's specific. SF USA even put "sexual frenzy" in all caps like it is when I think it over and over in my head every time I walk into a hot yoga class or froyo store. I imagine the keys to this prowess are the eau de parfum's nose tinglers: top notes of Italian lemon and Tuscan mandarin, mixed with moist green ferns and a pinch of pink pepper; a heart of lavender, warm coriander, and Neroli orange-flower; and a finish of cedar, sandalwood, and amber. Sure Fuck has no artificial colors, additives, pheromones, or exotic animal parts. And while it does make a sweet bachelor or bro gift, the cologne isn't just a novelty--it earned an Adult Video Awards nomination in 2015.

Sure Fuck USA explains that their odiferous lady bait is the product of extensive scientific research and experimentation at the two places a man is least likely to convince a woman to sleep with him: a nunnery and a WNBA game. The resultant, ultimate-libido-lighting formula has proven to get single dudes laid 96.5% of the time. And though the probability that Sure Fuck-wearing married men will persuade their wives to have sex with them is slightly lower at 86.7%, SF'ers do point out that this number is significantly higher than the standard odds of 0%.

For the ladies in and looking to get some action, as well as the dudes looking for the perfect gift for them, Fuck Me Perfume ($32.98 + free shipping) intermingles strong, sweetened cranberries with fruity, spicy tonka bean mousse, and tops it of with a splash of Tuscan blood orange.

Surprisingly, both Sure Fuck and Fuck Me come in 2-ounce bottles, not 10-gallon drums, though you can also purchase the two as a Lovers Special set ($51 + $7.25 shipping). Check out the SF Blog for more proof that, together, these scents and you are going to nail it on your next night out. You can also explore photos of the cologne and perfume posing with porn stars.