Alien Facehugger Corset
- Zombie Bikini - $49.95
- Sexy Flying Skulls Corset - $32.73
- Manslayer Dress - $55.99
- Alien Facehugger Chopsticks - $10.95
- My Pet Trouser Snake Men's Underwear - $9.30
I just cracked the ever-loving Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, Alien Resurrection, Alien vs. Predator, and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem out of my knee cap on the corner of a coffee table, but somehow, as I gaze upon the Chesthugger corset and...its contents...I feel no pain. A glorious accoutrement for the midsection, the Chesthugger calls forth the two most powerful torture devices on earth for slimming a woman's waistline: a boned, fat-choking depriver of oxygen and an arthropodic, gut-seizing facehugger.
Costume designer Carlos Blanchard of Rage Custom Creations conceived and brings to life the Chesthugger for ladies with a true edge, as well as those looking for the best birthday present ever for their husbands or boyfriends*. Facehuggers are forged from rigid vinyl, and made to order in any color buyers want--featured is a baby alien in chrome. They can also be treated to look aged, or kept in the image of the clean and sparkly parasite in the photograph. Blanchard has also agreed to customize facehuggers with handpainted designs, such as a Hello Kitty (an actual request, which, while disturbing, is also somewhat reassuring, as I thought I was twisted) but that's gonna cost extra. The creature's tail has a foam filling and rigid wire structure, so donners can shape it to their individual waists. Unless in an act of proboscis-thwarting self-defense, please keep the facehugger away from extreme heat.
The Chesthugger corsets themselves are pre-made and come in two styles, one of which includes a red color option. If available sizes are not suitable, Blanchard can have a friend custom make one for some mas dinero.
Though the Chesthugger is not likely to implant an embryo in its host, women vehemently opposed to birthing a chestburster should probably opt for some Lady Warrior Armor or an Adrenasuit instead.
*Dudes, also highly recommend a night out in the Chesthugger as payment for wives or girlfriends on the losing end of bet.
Sexy TRON Outfit
Wise shoppers know that when buying a gift, you should choose something for the recipient that you would never choose to buy for yourself. In that vein, this smokin' hot, 12-gauge clear plastic TRON corset lined with...
Aliens M41A Pulse Rifle - Fully Functional
You look at the replica M41A Pulse Rifle from Aliens, its fully adjustable metal stock and removable magazine, and wonder, Is it real? It looks real. It's the right shape. It's...huge...definitely the right size. It moves...
Predator Helmet
When Batman got a helmet it made Predator all jealous so he whined to NLO Moto, "WTF man? First he gets the higher budget movies and legitimate actors and then DC rejects my idea for a The Dark Knight v. Predator crossover...
Cyber Armor
Buckle up, boys, it's October 1. The onslaught of sexy Halloween costumes is revving its 400-asspower engine. Segue into the spectacle with a looksee at Spanish designer Boyd Baten's cyber armor. No, wait, I mean Boyd...
Alien Mind Control Mask
Oh what I would give to wear this Alien Mind Control mask to work. I'd just ride the lobby elevator up and down all day long, standing there ominously to greet, and soil the pants of, everyone who gets on. I'm almost...
/9-foot-alien-abduction-61523.jpg?mode=crop "9-Foot Alien Abduction Inflatable")
9-Foot Alien Abduction Inflatable
Bad news: the 9-Foot Alien Abduction Inflatable does not include the pictured inflatable cow getting beamed up into the UFO for its inevitable anal probe. Good news: you can get an inflatable cow that will fit inside...
Alien Abduction Lamp
When I see alien abduction images like this lamp's they make me think of one thing: Cartman gets an anal probe. Ugh, poor cow. Well, maybe not. I mean, really, whatever fate lies ahead for him on that spaceship can't...
Outer Space Vodka
What's scarier than this freak parade of masks on Halloween night? The head-splitting, toilet-hugging hangover we're all going to have Sunday morning. Especially with 1) Daylight Saving Time ending at 2 a.m., giving everyone...
Alien Motorcycle
Alien prequel Prometheus doesn't hit theaters until June 1, 2012. So in the interim, let's take a trip down memory lane to the series' Alien vs. Predator installment. Are you there? OK, now throw in a motorcycle, a grip...
The UFO Cabin
You've got 10 days to get to Sweden if you want to watch The X-Files 2016 premiere in this UFO Cabin. You might want to bring a flatscreen and a satellite too, since this Treehotel accommodation is all about disconnecting...
/life-size-alien-head-27020.jpg?mode=crop "Life-Size Alien Head")
Life-Size Alien Head
When the staff at the H.R. Giger Museum in Switzerland saw this life-size replica head of the monstrous Alien their namesake created you could literally see the pride and joy bursting from their chests. (Good luck to...
They Live Alien Donald Trump Mask
Remember John Carpenter's They Live? If you weren't into aliens and kitschy (yet poignant!) social commentary in 1988, the film suggests that America's "rulers"--the rich, the powerful, the elite, the CEOs and politicians--are...