Grooming

I say if you're balding, go bald or go home. Because if you stay out everyone's just going to shit on your receding hairline, bad rug, or sprouting plugs behind your back...

Duke Cannon would like you to know two things about his Big Ass Bricks of Soap. One, they are 3 times bigger than "feminine soaps." In other words, if you're not using a Big Ass Brick of "Smells Like Accomplishment" or...

Now this looks disgusting and promising. Binotomo Nasu Dentifrice, or Jet Black Toothpaste, expands upon the ideas that 1) adding charcoal powder to beauty products will extract skin impurities and whiten teeth, and 2)...

I can't guarantee you'll get laid if you don't smell like a cesspool of bacteria and last night's broccoli & Cheez Whiz casserole, but I can guarantee you won't get laid if you do. My point: you're better off not smelling...

I don't really see the point in ironing clothes unless someone who's not me is doing the ironing, but I guess if you're an advocate of the activity you might like this itty bitty iron for use in wrinkle extermination...

Would discovering a girl is wearing anti-sweat armpit stickers in the middle of making out with her be better or worse than discovering she's wearing a heavily padded bra? I can't decide. Both would be incredibly disappointing...

A Mach 3...or 9...or whatever the hell number they're on now, a pack of blades, and a RazorPit. Gifts for Dad = done. The RazorPit, which I prefer to think of as a Big Boy Bed for my razor, recruits a patented friction...

Could the knuckle duster beard comb become the new pinky ring? Intimidating, yet decorative, with the added bonus of serving a pragmatic purchase? Oh boy! I hope this power play comes to pass. I'd consider the finger...

Everyone knows that pigs don't sweat. But if they did, they would smell like Power Bacon. And now too so can you. Just be sure to apply the deodorant with caution. Because while obviously nothing attracts the favor of...

What is, a man who ate his daughter's 1st birthday cake without a fork, Alex? No? What is...a makeshift Fraggle mask? No? OK, then how about you just tell me why this man has neon pink goo smeared on his face, Mr. Trebek?...

According to Soft Goat, "Scruffy is sexy!" And given that scruffy means unshaven and unshaven means me not having to partake in the laborious task of shaving every morning, it appears I have finally succeeded in my quest...

Men, removing unwanted back hair is now as easy as putting on a coat! And if you don't believe me, just ask Wilmer Valderrama, who appears to be as big of a Brazilian Back male hair eradicating system fan as he does to...

It looks like someone put the inside of a sea urchin on the inside of a mouthpiece, but if Blizzident really works, I wouldn't care if it looked like one of the McPoyle brothers' armpits. I'll be able to brush my teeth--and...

It's obvious what the Mangroomer is, so let's just cut to to the chase: what can this DIY back shaver do for you?...

Battery-operated nail trimmer, um, no thank you, sir. Actually, my heart is pounding so fast and the knot snowballing in my stomach growing so large right now, I can't even muster the pleasantries. I'm just going to go...

The Mirror 180's joined splices allow it to tilt and reposition such that it reflects many a splendid thing. Namely, a more comprehensive view of me. One half of the mirror angles into 3 different positions, suiting a...

It's cuttin' it close, but order now and your Single Handed Barber, a DIY electric hair trimmer for short cuts, may arrive just in time for Father's Day. Cuttin' it close. Ha! Hahaha! Pun. Intended. Puns and I share the...

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking...

Why did the Haircut Umbrella choose for its product model a kid who looks like he has been knocked cross-eyed by the schoolmates who rammed his head through a rain blocker, with its ability to catch flyaway hair clippings...

Here are some problems with not brushing your teeth: brown teeth; hot buttered ass breath. Here are some problems with brushing your teeth regularly: gum recession due to hard bristles and/or overzealous brushing techniques;...

When I was in college I worked in food service for 5 years, during which time I smoked a lot of weed and touched a lot of nasty shit. Like I regularly had to stick my hand down garbage disposals clogged with half-eaten...

Good thing they didn't let me name this portable, credit-card-sized razor and mirror combo. I would have picked something stupid like Carzor. You know, credit card + razor = Carzor. Like how Brad + Angelina = ...oh wait...

My first question when Tim Joyce wrote to me about his Dry Goods athletic powder was, "Uh, what's that?" To which he responded, "It's essentially sprayable Gold Bond without the mess." Cool. But of course my second question...