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SureFire WristLight Watch & Flashlight

Sold Out Amazon »

SureFire's 2211 is a variable-output LED WristLight. That means it won't just illuminate the time as you walk home from your one night stand, but will also alight the entire path in front of you as you stroll it (or skip...

Edible Greeting Cards

Although these edible greeting cards look a little girly, I am willing to overlook that trait on account of the fact that I can eat them, thereby destroying any evidence I ever received one. Also, I do love me some 100%...

9 Planets Ring with Spinning Meteorite Band

Why should ladies and rappers get all the fancy jewelry? John Biagiotti of Metamorphosis Design believes men should be able to get in on the expensive gifts and signs of baller status too. Men like you and me. Men who...

P'INCH Instant Ruler Pin

$7 WKRMN »

P'INCH doesn't serve a thousand different functions. Or even a multi-tool standard 8 to 12. And really, it doesn't even do what it does do at great length. Literally, since P'INCH is a pin that's exactly 1 inch long...

Double Agent Shoes

$165 - $225 Double Agent Shoes »

Get your lady a pair of these Double Agent Shoes for Valentine's Day and you'll never get stuck holding her purse again. Ahhh, a nice gift for her with a nice kickback for you. That said, be wary if she isn't the most...

Genie 03 Watch with Pop-Up Speedometer

$56,800 Breva »

Rub on this Genie's house and out pops...a speedometer. It won't grant you 3 wishes, but the unexpected component of Breva's latest watch isn't a total anticlimax either. When in use, the Genie 03's pop-up speedometer...

Spicy Subscriptions Adult Product Boxes (NSFW)

$19.95 - $29 Spicy Subscriptions »

Gifting a lady a Spicy Subscription sexy time box for Valentine's Day is like giving her a treadmill in that her use of it will directly benefit you, but way better because there will be less lag time before you see the...

The Space Jacket

$265.50 Beta Brand »

Seems like this Space Jacket might be better suited for the 1960s when going to space was, like, a big deal. But I guess Elon Musk has made things interesting again with his sports car-style rockets so maybe there's still...

Vagisoft Clothing

Sold Out Beta Brand »

I know nothing is supposed to connote comfort like a mama's womb, but when Betabrand describes it as "Vagisoft"...ummm...I think of wearing a vagina. Which could be soft. Ish. I guess. If the lady's into grooming. But...

Teeth Whitening Accelerator

Discontinued

I don't know if it was the Gemini or some other LED teeth whitening accelerator, but I definitely saw one of these raver's mouth contraptions at CES this week. The company had about 10 recliners set up for eager guinea...

Suitsy Business Suit Onesie

$264.60 Beta Brand »

Dress Pants Sweatpants are OK for the average day at the office, but what if you have an important meeting with the Japanese investors? Or a big interview? Or your great aunt's funeral? When formality is required, but...

Montblanc e-Strap - Smartwatch Band

Contemporary conundrum, first world problem, call it what you will, but the outpouring of smartwatches is creating a void on the wrists of those who who still admire and crave the aesthetics of a mechanical watch movement...

Peek-a-Boo Baby Maternity Shirts

$22.90 - $29.99 Etsy »

Happy 2015! Who had a New Year's baby? More importantly, who made a New Year's baby? For the second group, high-fives and peek-a-boo maternity shirts all around! (Or, if this comes as an unfortunate surprise, my condolences...

Prime Time Watch

Discontinued

Algebra geeks and numbers freaks rejoice: The Unemployed Philosophers Guild has divided the clock face and devised a watch just for you. The Prime Time Watch depicts time solely through prime numbers. Where the digits...

Diamond Skull Rings

$680 - $4,700 Etsy »

Diamond skull rings for the alternative crowd. For those who want to emphasize the 'Til death do us part part. For all the neurosurgeons and forensic anthropologists out there. Armed with a Metalsmithing degree from the...

Analog Wood Watches

$149.99 Analog Watch Co. »

Upcycling and eco-friendly practices are fast becoming commonplace in the design world. Sometimes even with results that aren't an abomination to the eye. Like Analog Watch Co.'s wood watches, which, on the contrary...

Scented Peanut Butter Blossom Necklace

$27.99 Perpetual Kid »

Peanut Butter Blossoms. They've been a standard in my mama's Christmas cookie repertoire for as long as I've had enough teeth to eat Christmas cookies. I think that basically makes me an expert on what they're supposed...

Screwpop Lighter Holder

Discontinued

Screwpop makes a whole series of "clipable" keychain (and zipper and belt loop) tools, but if the Lighter Holder fills its role in life as intended, I would deem it one of the simplest, yet most impressive feats of engineering...

Johnnie Walker Mini Bottle Shoes

Mini bottles of Johnnie Walker Scotch Whisky tucked inside the soles of Oliver Sweeney Oxfords. According to the makers of these limited edition Tan Leather Brogues, the shoes are a "footwear first that bring together...

Bronze Elfin Dragon Ear Wrap

A higher quality and US-made alternative to this dragon earring, Marty Magic's Elfin Dragon Ear Wrap is cast in bronze and finely detailed with the elegant wings, formidable scales, and flaring nostrils we've come to...

Whisker Dam Mustache Protector

$22.99 Amazon »

They say it's like an umbrella for your face. And also that it's the best dam invention for keeping your whiskers dry. The Whisker Dam sits over a pint of beer (or milk, or triple mocha with extra whipped cream) and prevents...

Single Sentence Film Summary T-Shirts

$28 Fab »

You might think cinematic masterpieces such as Rocky, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and The Karate Kid are too densely packed with plot and profundity to encapsulate in just one sentence, but Mike Joyce's Stereotype...

Gerber Money Clip with Blade

$31.19 Amazon »

As a self defense money clip, Gerber's GDC Money Clip makes a little more sense than this one. Rather than requiring the carrier to remove his money to use it, the GDC sidekick has a 1.75" fine edge stainless steel blade...

Lock Laces - Elastic No-Tie Shoelaces

$9.99 Amazon »

One time when I was a kid I was at the mall with my mama rocking a pair of K-Swiss and one of my shoelaces came untied shortly before we got onto the down escalator. The ride itself went fine, but when I stepped off at...