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Spider-Man Bed Cover

Sold Out Amazon »

My Spidey Sense says that Robin would risk being labeled a traitor and facing legal action due to copyright infringement in order to take a siesta in this bed. Especially on lonely, pouty nights when Bruce brings home...

Fusion Ergonomic Backpacks

$220 - $260 Fluoa »

I wonder if the Fusion ergonomic backpack will still follow the natural curves of my posterior after I stuff it to the brim with a laptop, 2 full-size and 3 fun-size Snickers bars, 1 box of Barbara's Peanut Butter Puffins...

Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay

$4.99 - $10.50 Amazon »

The reviews of Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay - over 1,000 of them! - are so overwhelmingly positive it makes me wonder how I've never before heard of these miraculous bentonite particulates of the earth. Maybe I was...

Freddy Krueger Animated Chest of Souls Sweater

Sold Out Amazon »

1, 2, Freddy's comin' for you. 3, 4 better lock the door. 5, 6 get a crucifix... My sister let me watch A Nightmare on Elm Street when I was 5 and I think it made me wet the bed in fear every night for like 3 months...

Wolf Coat

$249 Griz Coat »

Just in time for summer! A full-length, faux fur coat with a mother fucking wolf head. On the one hand, the creators of Griz Coats have dissed the brand's icon in favor of this lupine addition to their line of crafty...

Vachen Face-Changing Smartwatch

$179 - $279 Vachen »

One watch, over a hundred different faces--interchangeable at the flick of a finger. Reminds me of this bipolar chick I used to date...I sure hope the Vachen Smartwatch doesn't come with an I'm-gonna-bludgeon-you-with...

Star Wars X Wing Pilot Jacket

Sold Out Amazon »

Mark Ecko is doing everything he can to make Star Wars a leading name in high fashion. I just wish the items were priced in accordance with the bank accounts of Star Wars fans rather than those of Star Wars actors and...

Glowing Sunglasses

$69 - $129 Etsy »

In addition to offering a bunch of sick shades, sunglasses maker Kevin of Neon Nightlife also offers some suggestions on how best to use his eye-catching glowing designs. These include:...

Daft Punk Thomas Helmet

$500 Etsy »

Ways to maintain popularity and credibility over the course of 20 years in the music industry: 1) Keep making good music; 2) Wear badass LED costumes from the future. Mauricio Santoro pays homage to the Thomas half of...

Kinekt Moving Gear Ring

$165 Kinekt »

Kinekt's Gear Ring reminds me of that ditty "The Wheels on the Bus" except, unlike the song, the ring has a fully integrated design of micro-precision, stainless steel gears instead of rubber tires that go round and round...

Down There Repair

$15.95 Sam's Natural »

Application of Sam's Natural Down There Repair fixes two major male discomforts and social embarrassments: chafed crotch and smelly crotch. It can also be used preventatively, thwarting these afflictions from striking...

Optical Illusion Growing/Shrinking Ring

$14.97 Amazon »

Dude, I am such a sucker for things that regale and mesmerize without requiring me to determine which geometric proofs or laws of physics or wonders of nature make them work. That's why I fare so much better with optical...

Sloth Rings

Sold Out Etsy »

My mama says this sloth ring reminds her of me, and although I'm not exactly sure what that means, based on my extensive knowledge of the movie Seven, which I discussed at great length over beers with an abnormally high...

Stash Waterproof Pocket Shorts

Discontinued

Sometimes people do stupid shit, such as get extremely drunk and ornery on the 4th of July and refuse to respond to reason and jump off the deck of a Carver 54 motor yacht...twice...without taking their brand new iPhones...

Trakline Fits-Like-a-Glove Belt

$59.95 Amazon »

When it comes to pants positioning, waistline aesthetics, and--most importantly--gut comfort, 1/4" can make a huge difference. Traklines banish the meager five, 1"-spaced holes of traditional belts from their full-grain...

Grindrite Weed Watch

$39.99 Vaporite »

I thought it would do something cutesy like stay frozen on 4:20, but nay. The Grindrite keeps real time too! Though usually after a few tokes of the good stuff my friend Victor procures I'm not really able to comprehend...

MyPakage Keyhole Comfort Underwear

$24.99 - $30.99 Amazon »

While a keyhole connotes something very small into which one inserts something else very small...and then, uh, forcefully twists it 360 degrees clockwise or counterclockwise...I assure you that MyPakage underwear's KeyHole...

1,000 Year Old Reclaimed Redwood Sunglasses

$350 Capital »

Capital Eyewear has trolled Northern California and recovered enough 1,000-year-old Redwood to craft 25 pairs of history-rich sunglasses. The wood originally served as a railroad bridge built in the 1800s. The bridge...

Triforce Claddagh Ring

$12 - $85 Shapeways »

I've never cared much for the word "Claddagh." It sounds like a combination of too many different scary female body parts and sexually transmitted diseases. But the rings themselves are alright if you're into, like, announcing...

Latex Bat Underwear

$80 Etsy »

Warning: Abigail Greydanus' latex bat underwear are slightly NSFW. Probably both in terms of viewing enlarged photos of them, and physically wearing them at the office, as my experience with latex is that it is the textile...

Travel Hoodie Pillow

$19.95 Hoodie Pillow »

Shark Tank strikes again. The Hoodie Pillow, another concept first introduced on ABC's entrepreneurial cattle call, has debuted a travel version of its fleece snooze-time companion. In this case, the namesake hood connects...

Cheat Feet Socks

Discontinued

Woodpecker Laboratories is kind of like a cool, former-hippie uncle that gives great advice and provides invaluable tools for maneuvering oneself through life. First they came out with this friendly reminder decal that...

Head Dome Umbrella

$49.99 Nubrella »

In the realms of both personal health and interpersonal communication, the Nubrella serves as an excellent form of preventative medicine. It will shield its wearer from everything from hostile weather conditions to airborne...

Black-on-Black Watch

Sold Out Aark Collective »

The Aark black-on-black watch goes by the name of Iconic, but I feel it would be more appropriately termed Black Don't Crack because that is more catchy and memorable, as well as perhaps the truest adage ever coined...