Garden

Hammock Bliss Sky Bed

$59.95 Amazon »

Blissful slumbering courtesy of a bed in the sky. It sounds like a dream come true. So you click...and view...and...it's a hammock. A thin, garbage bag-looking hammock too. This hammock has some explaining to do...

Kite Mosquito Patch

$35 Kite »

Do you often set out to enjoy a BBQ or camping trip only to find yourself trading in the anticipated revelry for a full-scale, hostile, bug-obliterating offensive? OK, well do you tend to step outside on a pleasant summer...

Giant Naked Baby Kite

$2,830 - $5,990 Peter Lynn Kites »

Aw dude. It's like the perplexing baby head masks meet the life-size blue whale kite meets the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man descending ominously upon the Ghostbusters gang, shit-eating grin plastered across its face. The...

Infinity Hammock

Discontinued

If you're into swinging and threesomes, the Infinity Hammock...will do nothing to help your cause. Unless you're into the kind of swinging threesomes wherein each party has his or her own personal space amidst a cocoon...

Super-Penetration Shovel

$117.60 Garrett Wade »

Anyone else snicker at the Super-Penetration Shovel's name? Come on, we're all intelligent adults here and, as such, know that the most popular application for the word "penetration" does not involve unruly terrain in...

Scarface Garden Gnome

Discontinued

If they were going to craft a Scarface garden gnome aiming an M16A1, you would think they could have also added some Al Pacino droopy eyes and a pouty mouth underneath that Santa Claus beard. As it stands--at only 9-1/2"...

Mystical Fire Campfire Colorant

$6.94 Amazon »

I really can't hear the word "mystical" anymore without thinking of Mystikal and his inexplicable squawking of that song about shaking things but watching yourself, but I can look at this Mystical Fire colorant that turns...

Zero Gravity Patio Lounger

Sold Out Amazon »

Is there anything more relaxing and enjoyable than lying in the sun on a warm summer day with a gentle breeze caressing your skin and maybe some gentle lips caressing your skin and also an unlimited supply of fine brews...

Praying Mantis Eggs

$18.50 Amazon »

Wait. Aren't praying mantises hot, yet evil, women who devour men like Xander Harris in that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? And does that mean you're telling me I can purchase and hatch between 50 and 200 women...

Backyard Swimmin' Hole

$114.99 Amazon »

It was a tough call which of the Perfect 10 happy families splashing around in the Intex Easy Set Pool to pick as the product's featured photo, but I ultimately decided the blonde MILF in the winning shot was a better...

Flowtron Bug Zapper

$35.20 - $65 Amazon »

Oh boy, I could hardly contain my excitement when I saw they still make these UV bug zappers. My grandma had one when I was growing up in the Midwest and in the summertime we'd sit on her patio and bond over electrocuting...

Death Star Birdhouse

I wonder if the birds who enter the Death Star birdhouse ever come out. If not, I wish it were a residence for those of the feline persuasion. Or better, I hope the birds do come out alive, but with mutated laser eyes...

The Stealth Pavillion

Discontinued

Dutch artist Paul Seger's Stealth Pavillion is an art installation and thematic exploration of heterotopia, the idea of anti-space within a expressed context. I know. I hate it too when people define a word that doesn't...

Inflatable Water Park

Sold Out Amazon »

If its photographic depictions are accurate, the Rainforest Rapids amusement park is an inflatable backyard installation suitable for both wet and dry bouncy-bouncy fun, as well as both small children who want to splash...

Hidden Water Pools

One time a couple of minutes ago I saw a patio that turned into a swimming pool! That's crazy! Almost Fletcher Capstan expandable table proportions of crazy, and definitely more in compliance with my agenda of spending...

Alligator in a Manhole Doormat

$22.99 Perpetual Kid »

Though not as blood-curdling as a breaching shark in an elevator, an alligator snarling up through a manhole cover on my front doorstep should make uninvited visitors take pause long enough to second guess their decision...

Tower Garden Growing System

$599 Tower Garden »

Soil. Lengthy growth periods. The X-axis. Tower Garden rejects you en masse. An aeroponic growing system ideal for rooftops, patios, balconies, and terraces, this food and flower producer replaces pots of temperamental...

One-Way-Mirror Birdfeeder

Sold Out Amazon »

Can you imagine the anxiety, frustration, and ultimate sheer madness a one-way-mirror birdfeeder is going to cause in cats? As a passionate cat hater, I'm buying six. You think it's funny when you jump on my lap, nudging...

Dragon Downspout Statue

$61.90 Amazon »

While I would prefer to have a dragon that breathes fire and prepares to reclaim Westeros for the rightful Queen, Daenerys Targaryen, I guess one that diverts water is an OK second. This gothic, gargoyle-inspired dragon...

Light 'n Go Bonfire Log

$9.29 Essay Group »

Any man with a little hair on his chest can chop wood, but how many of you care to take the time to carve snowflake patterns into your logs such that they alight more dependably and burn with greater efficiency? Light...

Portable Hoseless Misting Fan

Discontinued

I recently got an email from a fan that said, "I hate to be HOT." Hahahaha, get it? A fan that hates to be hot. Actually, I just noticed that hilarious pun after I wrote it. I really did get an email from someone telling...

Parallelepipedus Kovrikus Doormat

The Greeks--or whatever foreign-tongued group of cats who created this optical illusion doormat--sure don't cut any corners when it comes to making up a fancy way to say "box". But the Parallelepipedus Kovrikus makes...

Treeincarnation: From Ashes to Spiritree

Hello, children. In today's lesson we will learn about death and gardening. First, meet Walter. Walter is dead. That's why he fits so easily inside this urn. Now meet the Spiritree. The Spiritree is also an urn, but it...

Sauna Box

$41k Matter »

Good things come to those who...have high-paying jobs or trust funds. For when they are overwrought and need an immediate means of relaxation, or bloated and seeping whiskey from their pores and need a surefire way to...