Accessories

Belt Scooter

In describing his Belt Scooter, Hungarian student Adam Torok talks about humans' physical need to move around, the invention of the combustion engine, the independence of owning a car, and some mumbo jumbo pertaining...

Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

$175.50 Natalie Luder »

100% silk Crepe de Chine for the fingers, 100% thin-sliced Mangalitsa pork belly for the eyes. Natalie Luder's Fou Lard is a bacon scarf through and through. "Foulard" is the French word for "silk scarf" and "fou" alone...

Finger Hands

$5.24 Amazon »

Finger Hands. Horrifying. Pure. Horror. And I thought Man Hands were hilarious. How can there be such a disparity between undersized and oversized? Archie McPhee tries to make it all seem fun 'n' clever by pointing out...

Polarized Floating Sunglasses

Sold Out Amazon »

Rafting? Fishing? Boating? Bending over a toilet? Don't lose your sunglasses to the laws of density again! BlueWater's floating sunglasses have both a lightweight frame and neoprene foam lining to guarantee they won't...

Titan Multi-Tool Collar Stays

Sold Out Amazon »

Turn discomfort into practicality. You might be stifled in a pressed button-up all day long, but at least with Titan's Multi-Tool Collar Stays you'll be able to pop open a beer at the end of it with the stealth and swagger...

Laser Pointer Tactical Necktie

$29.99 ThinkGeek »

Does a necktie equipped with a laser pointer and MOLLE system take the current tactical fad a step too far? Yeah, but...I kind of want one, so...on second thought, definitely not. ThinkGeek's tactical tie is fitted with...

Wocket Smart Wallet

$179 NXT-ID Inc. »

Is that a Wocket in your pocket, or are you just expecting me to pay for dinner? Like the Coin card consolidator, Wocket is an electronic wallet replacement that stores personal information from all of your credit and...

Belt Buckle Knife

Discontinued

Well I just hope the sheaths in Bowen's blade-wielding belts are secure and hefty enough to preclude any potential slippage or puncturing in the vicinity of the most important part of my body. The last thing I need from...

KFC Chicken Corsage

$20 KFC »

A corsage with a big fat KFC fried chicken leg nestled in the center. That might be the one thing I'd consent to reliving high school for. Can you imagine how good promfuls of girls flailing chicken wrists on the dance...

Banana Umbrella

Discontinued

Last week I showed you how you can protect your banana. So now it's time to explore how your banana can protect you...

Star Trek Spock Socks

$7.99 Amazon »

When I was little Mr. Spock and Dr. Spock were names thrown around on TV and in my household with equal regularity, so for years I thought they were the same person. It seemed only mildly strange that a pointy-eared human-vulcan...

Wooden Tie

Sold Out Amazon »

Yes ma'am, my necktie is made of solid wood. And it just so happens it's pointing to something else that is made of solid wood, if you know what I mean. So why don't we--wait! Don't flip your hair and walk off in a huff!...

The Kraken Umbrella

Discontinued

What I like about this Kraken umbrella is the inside, which features a giant Kraken. What I like significantly less about this Kraken umbrella is the outside, which features a mess of curlicued, doily-looking sea life...

Emergency Underpants Dispenser

$8.99 Amazon »

I don't need to tell you that an Emergency Underpants Dispenser is more than just a novelty gift. You know how many times you've laughed so hard you peed your pants. How often you've unexpectedly encountered a large barking...

Freakshop Belt Buckles

$45 - $190 Etsy »

Some days I wake up and long to give people the impression that I'm a dark and bluesy heavy metal rocker with an impossibly angular jawline. So I wear my Danzig horned or Misfits shadowy skull belt buckle. Other days...

Senz Stormproof Smart Umbrella

Sold Out Amazon »

Oh I'll buy a Senz stormproof smart umbrella alright. I'll also take one of those red-lipped brunettes in a cocktail dress to valiantly shield from torrential downpours and winds of up to 50 mph with it...

Gaming Glasses for Eye Fatigue

$21.95 - $154.52 Amazon »

It's the graphics for a travel brochure. It's Q4 performance spreadsheets and their accompanying presentation slides. It's a thesis on the association between country music and suicide. Fine. It's really just Call of...

Star Wars Cuff Links

$125 - $4k Neiman Marcus »

Here are some officially licensed Star Wars cuff links, courtesy of fancy silk underpants department store Neiman Marcus, to present as a gift to your favorite geek this holiday season. Presuming your favorite geek is...

Zip Tie

For anyone too hip, too lazy, or too caffeinated to tie a standard model, the Zip Tie provides an aesthetic and functional twist...or, rather, removal of the twist...on classic men's business wear. Slip your dome through...

Settlers of Catan Socks

$14 Beta Brand »

Betabrand's first production of Socks of Catan sold out in less than a week. So now would-be settlers of the feet sheaths must roll 7s until those who bought the socks by the dozen are forced to give back enough to replenish...

Batman Hooded & Winged Backpack

Discontinued

Here's a silver lining, or at least some black polyester, for the poor bastards who have to go to summer school: DC Comics' Batman Backpack...with Bat ear hood...and...du-nuhnuh-nuhnuh-nuhnuhnuh...BAT! WINGS! As with...

Recycled Skateboard Sunglasses

$189.99 Etsy »

Recycled skateboards and bamboo join forces to battle the sun! Hipsters and panda bears are going to love this shit! Bamboo Skate Shades are handmade in Canada, with no two rolling out precisely the same. Available in...

The FlaskTie

Discontinued

While I don't condone sleeping on a tie at work, I must say I have generally found my productivity (and genius!) levels to be highest after a few swigs of Grey Goose. So drinking out of a tie at work = acceptable. In...

The Fusion Wallet

$82 - $99 The Fusion Wallet »

Twenty-five-year-old Thomas Johnson fabricates his cool, modern industrial Fusion Wallet from 12 separate CNC-machined aluminum and hardwood components. Gee. I'm almost a decade older than Johnson and I can hardly fabricate...